


Sea of Years

by Moonpeach



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Found Family, Gen, I love Lucretia and would die for her, Lucretia centric too if we're being honest, Magnus Centric, Post-Canon, The rise and fall of the Ipre era meets the beginnings of taz post era and beyond, bonding and grief, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-08 19:33:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11653251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonpeach/pseuds/Moonpeach
Summary: All of them were likeable in their own little ways, and it becomes so abundantly clear how heavily entranced he was and still is with lot of them. How badly enough he cares about them, that wasting his life here on this ship protecting them has been one of the best things he’s ever had the pleasure of taking pride in.Because if he isn’t looking out for his friends, then who else will.--





	1. Chapter 1

He doesn’t like to think about loss. About losing things. He would think that after all the running and after all the rushing in and hiding and fighting. After several awful sacrifices and broken hearts and several deaths. After all the bullshit and watching all the things he thought he cared about then wasting away into dust and corrode into a mass of greens, yellows, and reds, that he’d be tired of it by now. That he would have stopped trying to take matters into his own hands and given up. 

But he didn’t. Why? Magnus doesn’t know. 

That little concept of time-saving is lost to him now. Wasted over ninety years of it. 

It never stops getting to be old, because the scenery changes nearly every year. Things aren’t always at a constant, variables keep changing, the battles aren’t always won. It’s a rinse and repeat sorta retrospect. Eventually it’ll feel like the battle is endless and onerous; going only in one direction, they have no other option but to choose to intervene and swipe away the light or at least try to escape from abounding pits drenched in shadows. 

The task itself is not easy, it’s never been easy. (And it’s reminded in the less than satisfying sleepless nights where he stumbles and fights with the temptations of sleep because he’s so worn thin that even the boundless tides with rest has laid his consciousness with thoughts he doesn’t want to bide time with. It’s reminded in all the ways he wishes the worlds around him--the ones they couldn’t bless with protection were safe either way despite point of failure; not to tumble under the binds of a rapacious gooey maw and flashing far away lights. It's reminded in the black eye he’s decorated with after a failed cycle, the way the hand of death doesn’t mean a damn thing to them anymore, the way they drift and sway into the scattering wake of dark skies and starry nights and swim their way out of dangers that erupt and creep slowly behind like a willowing shadow that never wanes out of sight, out of their minds. 

It’s a cold callous reminder. 

It’s at times like these that he truly appreciates the quieter days that scatter out in between the rising chaos. 

Tucked away 

Safe 

Quiet memories of good times spoken and shared amongst his family. 

* * *

Had he been paying attention, had he been a little more self aware of the world outside of this, outside of them, he might’ve recognized the signs, might’ve taken better care of himself. 

But at this point in time, recognizing now would have been a point too late. He would feel like some kind of idiot in the near future, trying to prove a point to them about his less than temperamental and subtly intricate poorly made choices. But in these days it’s not like there isn’t another much bigger problem to be dealt with. 

It’s everywhere, behind the winding footsteps they leave behind on planets they’ve escaped but more or less left to rot, to the way they all bury their thoughts under drinks and sleep and distractions. The signs itself are heavily disguised behind the need and call for action, under heroism, under laughter, under baked in smiles and indistinguishable patterns of thoughtless hopes and irregular habits. 

He doesn’t even think he knows it himself but, the feeling is there. 

Whatever line between knowing it at first, and knowing never at all or knowing it all at once too late is gone now. 

They don’t always have the time to think and dwell on it anyways. As the worlds around them hum and sing their last voices; a cry for help in the dim dark share of space as a white light descends and arises at the death of an old year. 

The cycles continue, again and again. 

No they don’t have the time to worry about the smaller things anymore. 

He doesn’t even think they notice. But if he can’t discern it himself, than is it really a problem? 

There is no hiding from the happenings of the worlds around them; crumbling out beneath their feet--Not anymore. 

He keeps trying. 

* * *

Magnus and Lucretia watch the Hunger. 

Through the reflection of the ship’s window. It’s illuminated by a small grey light, flickers of colors are seen through the alumino-sillicate of its glass.They watch as the hunger convulses and threads its inky black tendrils over yet another plane, yet another world destroyed and consumed. He doesn't take the time to absorb all its details, all of its convulsing movements like she does, take in all the ways it eats and slithers its oily grasp around the width of the world they once inhabited. He used to be too sick to watch. 

The first time they saw it was aeons ago, back when home was real. Back when they weren’t spending half of their lives ( or for a lack of- a fleeting repeat of a year in their lives) under the pressure and undaunting eyes of the Hunger’s onslaught. Ravenous, open, and listless. 

The first time he ever watched it willingly was when they first observed the animal kingdom during that one long first year; barely heeded static and hard to recall but he remembers being there at the edge of the ship, he remembers the feeling of lightheadedness in his head, in his steps as he walked towards his friends and things felt exceedingly different yet stable. 

_(What it is, is this: It’s that feeling of weightlessness, that feeling of having lost himself in the chaos without even realizing it that the others have gone and he is alone. It's that feeling of- I need to get out of here, I need to get them to safety, people come first that’s the first things that come to mind when he first gets a glimpse, watches as the kingdom and the city fall under a blackening beast. It’s fighting and calculated punches, whips and kicks, a struggle, then it’s nothing, and he feels like maybe this was a misstep in the wrong direction but it’s hard to think about much of anything when the last things you see are the swivels of a broken tool pushing heavily and dangerously deep into your chest. And like a knife it cuts out and--)_

He only blinks once,and that’s all it takes anymore. 

The heady weightlessness in his head that day overspoke his own shock as it did in imitation to the others when he came crashing back, legs as unsteady as jello and the panicked snap of Barry’s voice over heard by many many bewildered others blanket over once he was ready to stand again. A collection of arms held at the base of his chest, steady,then unsteady before careful. And he eyes the beast that strips the planet of nothing behind them, solemnly wishing he had done more. But at this point in time, nothing can be done. 

So they watched it consume from the ship’s balcony, angry and sick. 

He didn’t think he could ever bring himself to look it again. Reminding him of bad cycles, of too many countless failures, of not being ready, of the guilt but unfortunate sacrifices. 

Those people out there never truly deserve it. Even if there were stiff times where the journey’s path had led them to newer homes that were less than unwelcoming to their arrival. Despite the occasional curses, and the weathered down miserable rout they’d all leave the planet from, it was all more or less just jocular banter. They didn’t always mean it. At least not for him. 

And looking at it now, it feels just like it did the very first time they observed it. The very same sad gut wrenching feeling he had from where he once stood just nearly a few decades ago. 

Lucretia stands about an inch away;her hand drawn to her chest,book clutched between careful but shaky fingers. She doesn’t tear her eyes away for a second, almost scanning the surface of the Hunger’s oily slick body as its maw unhinges the way it always does ( the way that he remembers it at least) when it feasts and is it hard not to look away. 

It’s weird how easy it is to forget they always have the upper hand, that they always have a way out. How easy it is to slip away into thoughtless routine,when they’re too easily preoccupied with leveling themselves into that fight or flight disposition that they always turn to. When they’re too preoccupied with escaping themselves, they forget that other people aren’t going to be so lucky. Those people don’t have an “escape route”. There is no other option, no plan B. They’re always let to follow through with their plans and stare at the same scenes again and again no matter what. And that realization alone sticks to him like a hangnail. 

He hates when these things happen. 

He spies movement out of the corner of his eye as the ship around them hums and shifts direction. Lucretia adds another note to her book, the width of it looks heavier now than it did before,she’s probably recorded so much of their journeys and the pages of it are torn and weathered in colors of beige and gray. 

“Whatcha writing?” He cracks open the silence with a question, maybe just to hear himself think for a bit. Get his mind off the reeling swirly mass of guilt still spinning havoc somewhere heavy in his chest. Magnus wants to turn his head, but doesn’t, keeping an eye on the Hunger expanding its new weight in the dark. 

She stops and the pen twitches to a skid at the edge of the page, softly looking up. There’s a look in her eyes that suggests she’s only just realizing he’s been there,like they haven’t stood here before until now. He ignores it. “Just..some more observations.” She says, turning the page, her hand closes the book after a moment, bringing her eyes back to the swelling mass beyond the window. 

“ Find anything new?” he asks, shedding a glance, he can spy the tired in her shoulders, the way she seems to be leaning into the thickness of the wall for support. She’s had that look about her for over a while now. He doesn't even think he can even remember a time when she wasn’t this restless. 

“Not really.” She says, after a bead of silence. 

They watch as the space between them and the Hunger bends weak and swarms about their glass windows, drawing them nearly out of sight.The steady pull of anxiety melts under the weight of the ship’s flight as they leave this reality behind. Their eyes never meet. He can see her shoulders drop and shudder with long awaited breath. 

“ This part is always the hardest to watch.” She says, under the dimming light that hangs above their sculpted window. A flickering shade of blue that highlights and paints her cheeks a soft tone, putting a small glimmer in her left eye as she continues. “Having to abandoned these places and knowing that even if our chances of retrieving the light are good, taking it away from their world isn’t enough. That trying to put in the effort of saving others that we can’t take along isn’t enough..” 

And he knows this, of course Magnus knows this. He’s seen it firsthand many many times before, through many many worlds that they’ve made no chance at attempting perseverance against the foe of darkness. It’s the kind of dark sentiment they’ve all come to know during this long journey to god knows where. Each time it happens, they are left with bittersweet revelations of how things could have been ended on a much dour note and that shared moment in between their space where they always find themselves here on the deck of the Starblaster each year, is as exhausting and haunting as it is knowing dying on any planet all together could have been their last. 

But there isn’t anything they can do about it just yet. Not yet. 

“I want to turn myself away from looking each time it happens, but I can’t.” She adds, more softer this time. The hum of the ship is a tethering blanket over the words that he barely hears it. “Feels like I have to, like this is some of repentance.” 

And Magnus adds nothing to that, the curve of his lip flattening as their reality sets in and the wavy unending feeling he had fettering beneath the surface of his unfaltering mask, spreads over and thins out like a thread before him. Easy to cut away and pushed it down for a moment as they stand there, still watching. When the Hunger becomes nothing but a speck in the distancing sky, he finally breathes and lets his shoulders shake off that tremor they ached to release and Lucretia lets her eyes squeeze shut. 

“Yeah.” He says, after moments of silence have slithered in between their shallow talk. “ I get it.”

* * *

“ We’re seriously doing this?” Barry says nervously, eyeing the vast waters of the ocean with a look of discomfort. He subtly purses his lips together at their current plight as he shifts his legs from one side to the other awkwardly. “ This seems pretty dangerous.” 

They’ve come to bank of an island that floats a little ways over a capricious ocean. Near a shallow pit; somewhere where the waves don’t lap as hard at the surface. It took a lot of time just to find the right place to land the ship. A whole hour of passing over rocky terrain and another just to walk on foot a couple of feet away down a steep hill by a secluded cave decorated in amethyst. The journey was hard,but they’ve made it here in time, however difficult the trek was and Magnus can feel the ache in each step he takes closer to the edge. 

“ Well how else are we supposed to get it back? We just sit here and hope it’ll hop back out?” Merle spits from his side of the sand, legs outstretched as he idly spends a couple of seconds untying the left of his boot off. They’ve been here on this plane for only just a couple of days now, not so limited in time, and in the passing of the hours,their prayers are answered almost immediately a day after. 

The light descends and it cascades its shadow over the horizon, shimmering over the seas where the sun meets its thrashing edge. They set their path for it from the moment of its descension to the clearing of a small beach just a couple of miles away from the nearest neighboring island. 

“ Merle’s right, we can’t just leave it down there.” Lup stands over the edge, her back turned as the sun’s rays from above pushed warmth onto the side of her face as she observes the water's surface. The tuck of her shirt flowing softly as the sleeve of her jacket slid off to one side of her shoulder. “ The light can’t just sit there, we gotta fish it out. Or someone’s gotta retrieve it or... Gods something.” 

“ Something’s going to be done about it. Don’t worry.” Davenport says, “ A few of you will make an effort to get down there and get it. We’re definitely not going to leave it there, that’s for sure.” 

“ And just how many of us are going down there?” Taako, who Magnus can’t exactly see from his angle, shifts eyes between the edge of the cliff to the gnome a couple of times. Tense, but not as uneased about the situation as Barry who continues to eye the floor of the island with a glint of neural intrigument. 

Davenport scratches the ends of his beard, squinting. “ As many as we may need to get the light. We may not have a lot of information about what lurks in those waters but we can’t exactly wait this one out anymore. We get through with this and that will be that.” 

“Cool Cool. I get that. But uh clarification though, do we.. really need all of us down there for this? I mean it seems like; and don’t get me wrong,nice plan really.” Taako gestures with hands that move along with his tongue, a toothy careless grin spreads like water before it disperses thinly with a glance to his sister near the edge. “ All of us down there seems a little like overkill. Maybe not too much, but enough that I think is a little too much just for this one excursion. Like shouldn’t at least someone be with the ship?” 

“ I agree with Taako.” Barry adds, turning to look at the captain. “ Maybe a few of us can make it down there and make good leeway for the light. But at least someone should be here to keep watch of the ship. Split it up fifty-fifty.” 

And for first time since they’ve plotted their feet to the sandy ends of this floating isle, Magnus actually looks up. Spares at glance at the two men near the other side and gives Taako a funny look. It’s the first in a long time he’s passively given the other a look of perplexment, but the elf man more than not ignores it. He usually does, even when Magnus thinks he doesn’t see it. 

“ I guess that would be more appropriate.” Davenport pipes up. His feet carries him towards the edge. Gazing out into the distance where the light of the sun rains subtly over the terrain of its harboring islands. It sticks to them like paint splashed about their red cloaks and faces. Magnus brings his eyes up and watches the way the shadow of Lup wanes thinner behind her. 

“ I can stay back.” Lucretia speaks, her hand raised as she eyes the rest of her team. “If everyone is okay with that, I’d be more than happy to stay back and keep watch in case we run into anything that’s airborne.” 

“ Shit yeah, we probably should have people up here. After what happened in that one place with the people with spears for heads, I think a little protection near the ship couldn’t hurt.” Lup turns back, her face shares the same determination Magnus excretes to get this plan off and moving along. They’ve been up here long enough to devise at least something close enough to a good plan and he can feel his fingers and legs just itching to dive in. 

“ Well I’m down to stay if no one else offers.” Taako raises a flimsy hand; mimicking the same action as Lucretia. His eyes swarm across each body around him, blinking some. “ We good with that?” 

Davenport nods and addresses the others. “ Aright well that makes two for the ship. So far that should be enough protection, but if anyone else would like to stay back..” His eyes travel back to meet the stocky scientist. “ Barry…” 

The man only has enough time to open his mouth, before a hand comes to scoop him by the scruff of his robe, pulling him back, he’s met with Lup’s toothy grin. “Oh no, Barry’s coming with me. I’m not letting him skip out on this one, you can trust on that Captain.” 

“ Very well. So that settles it.” Davenport stands with his arms behind his back, attentive. “ Magnus, Barry, Lup, and Merle. You guys will handle diving into the depths and fishing out the light. Taako and Lucretia, you’ll stay here with the ship. Seeing as how we already have a pretty well rounded team coordinated here, I’ll hang back myself. You guys try to stay together however ways you can when you’re down there, and try not to engage in anything that hasn’t tried getting at you first..” 

That last statement is more directed less at the rest of his team and more directly specified for him. Magnus doesn’t even need to look over his shoulder to know the kinda gaze the Captain is probably giving him right now. He knows how to be careful and all, but a fight is a fight no matter what. And to be frank, he’s never been one to wait for the other shoe to drop before he starts pulling any punches. 

“We’re seriously doing this…” is uttered under Barry’s breath, shrugging off the rest of his robe as it drops in a miserable heap to the ground next to Lup’s. “ We’re really doing this..” 

“ Yep, seems so.” Merle says, and he’s out of his clothes, a shirtless gut hangs happily out as he waddles. All discomfort grunted in the form of Taako’s disapproval. Magnus wants to laugh at the expression. 

“Come on Barry, it won’t be that bad. What with all the cosmic crap we’ve been through now and again, what’s little more danger in your life gonna do to you?” There’s a chuckle in between it; and something else Magnus can’t discern as Merle jabs a finger in his direction. “Besides it’s not like we don’t got ol’ meathead here to protect us.” 

And that causes a snort to croak out of the noses of two people. The sentiment of that easy, humorous nature that the group normally appreciates the gift in Merle, carries inward like a breeze; picking up that once melodramatic act away from the lot to refurbish in that once good feeling again. Only for the others, it’s just a short occasion for a laugh and for Magnus an eye roll. 

“Thanks Merle.” He doesn’t care if the smaller man heard it or not just simply carries on with focusing on the plan. They don’t have a lot of time to be lollygagging much anyways. Considering how dangerous and unbelievably short of time they are, he’s not really going to sabot himself up from one shitty little joke about being this ship’s personal meat shield.Preparing to dive right into the action, his grip on the ground tightly rips at the surface, face and eyes focused as he scans the waters with scarily concentrated vigor. 

It’s the kind of concentration that’s been ingrained into his life since the moment he learned to walk and learned to fight and learned how to balance pushing back all of everything else he’s ever had to file away and prevent from keeping him from falling onto his back in the dust. Like when he was younger, face puffed up and dewy eyed staring up at a purple sky. 

Memories like that choke at his existence, building up the character and mask that he parades with just the stroke of his rough upbringing and rash instincts.And while he was a little too jaded—even at six—to find the intrinsic yet redundant value of staying off close by the sidelines, Magnus never let that piece of himself spread out too thin around him. Those parts of his childhood and the lessons he’s laid below his feet as the stepping stones for the change he wanted to be still haven’t left him. 

“ Be careful out there.“ Davenport says, his face dimly lit by the sun as the shade of clouds begin to blanket the width of the skies. 

Magnus doesn’t even need the green light. He’s the first one to jump right in. 

* * *

They hear about a place known as the Hanging Arcaneum. 

A facility built on the foundation of learning how to harness the light into a form that was suitable enough to be used under strenuous amounts of magic and a method unbeknownst to them called “artificing.” 

They get told the same speech he’s heard somewhere before, study up and prepare themselves into this new level of creation they haven’t touch upon before in any of the their lives and it keeps bringing Magnus back to the time in the Observatory, spending his days carving his heart out on a piece of wood and knife. 

The multiple failures and incomplete mistakes he’s made are like a shadowing presence on his consciousness the same way he’s here again making a weapon out of something magical and essential hopefully in the future. The others don’t seem quite as bothered, working meticulously, and he’ll slip up and get something wrong, there’ll be accidents and sure the occasional joke of a duck mixed with a sword being his best shot for a idea sprung up like a leaky drain in his head every couple of minutes. But beyond that, at the very least his work was something. 

For comedic effect Taako thinks, the duck sword idea is swell enough that he’ll take it up seriously but he ties down the thought null somewhere towards the back of his head after receiving several mixed looks and a bemused expression from the chief artificer herself. After a while, they managed enough progress through the waste of basic tools and rigorous training to be proud enough in the eyes of their half-orc mentor for the training toys to be put away in exchange for the real test. 

And Magnus doesn’t waste any time. It wasn’t particularly fun, but he wasn’t interested in much else but these two things he managed to crack out of the imagination in his head into existence-- a helmet of ram horns and a pendant of a bear’s tooth carved out of metal. 

He looks at these things and thinks of that animal kingdom again.The years have gone, having leaped and dragged and tethered themselves over sharp edges of his subconsciousness; scratched in deep. The memories have warped so much that he’s barely conserved the face of the Bear he once trained with as the centerpiece of it all. The most important piece. 

It feels kinda funny how long it’s been. A funny kinda ache in his chest that hasn’t been there before until now or rather one he hasn’t chosen to acknowledge yet. Not fully there completely. But visible enough that he’d press a hand to his chest in reaction to its astral force. 

He looks at his pendant, and lets each finger cross over the edge of its ridge with an articulate smooth glide, one of its ends nicking the surface of his thumb as he finishes. 

Let it be inspiration and a good reminder. 

* * *

The scene is fitted to look dramatic if Magnus could really put a name to its image. 

The table is filled up with his friends, all looking intently down at the scene Barry conjures into existence through the skill of his wand. They watched as their past lives maintaining their one and only goal fly by in timed sequence, all at once like snapshots. 

The way the tiny image of the ship sinks its way into the white disc in the middle, when the small ball of light descends down like a felled angel; slow and agonizing reposed. He feels his stomach churn and his lips pursed together in a way that could only be discerned as discomfort as the image fades and a more unpleasant fixture of the Hunger appears through the space of the table’s wooden girth. 

Rinse and Repeat--like always. 

Never ending, always running, endless, endless rinse and repeat. 

“ I’ve been trying to figure out why the light follows us..” Barry continues as the scene about the table continued its repeated transition for the tenth time. His wand raised down to freeze it in place just as the light springs back from atop the ceiling in mid-air. 

“ And I’m afraid I don’t have the answer to that question yet. The light is..” He sighs, a hand runs carelessly through the ends of his hair. He looks unbelievably tired from this angle. “There’s so much about it that we don’t understand, things that we haven’t quite covered about it yet.” 

And to Magnus, he sounds just about frustrated with that last part-- the things that they don’t understand about the light has been a perpetual thorn in their proverbial side for the longest time now. It hasn’t helped with answering the one true question they all desperately need. Not in this time of unceasing apocalypses. And unfortunately for them--in their limited amount of time to stop what always follows after. 

“ But what I have found out is how the Hunger keeps finding us.” And Magnus watches the way Barry eyes light up in anticipation, their hand reaching to raise their wand as the table scene modulates to another simulated image and he sees the light begin to pulsate like a beacon. Its surge of cascading rings gravitating on and off the walls like ocean waves, crashing into and over each other from every which way they twist and turn from. 

Barry lets the wand sit by the edge of his plate. His eyes screens over the view; ripples of the simulation makes like nebulous patterns over the valley of his face; the glow glinting off his glasses. 

“It’s this.” 

And his plan devises up into something Magnus wasn’t expecting. Leaning against the side of his chair, arms crossed as both Barry and Lup explain in explicit detail the idea they’ve backed as “Their best bet for a solution thus far.” And he can’t bring himself to argue with it, not at all, there’s nothing to bring up to the table that would somehow better the already promising solution they have made. And to put it more frankly, their only solution, because despite all contrary to all the other meetings they’ve had in the past, this have been the only one so far with a concise plan they could actually put into action. Which by his own definition--is better than fucking nothing. 

So hell yeah he’s on board with it. 

Until he’s fucking not. 

Lucretia watches the sequence on the table, a similar unrest worms its way out the core of her being as she lifts her head to speak. “ I.. I don’t know if I’m okay with this plan. I don’t think that I’d wanna be responsible for putting anything dangerous out into the world.” 

“But we could keep an eye on them?” Merle pushes in, the way he shifts in his seat and scratches at the ends of his beard politely suggests doubt in his statement,it doesn’t sound as clear. “ Like we could keep tabs or something to make sure?” 

“Listen gang.” Barry presses his hands to the table, a serious authority to the stance that surprises even Magnus when he blinks and Barry keeps his gaze to the center. “Once we put em’ out there, they’re out there. That’s it. We can’t interfere with this part of the plan once the deed is done. If.. if we do, then it’s not going to work.” 

The room quiets for a bit,Magnus makes a face under the light,scrutinizing the hologram. Articulating the words he wants to say about this whole idea didn’t come first to mind when he was reeling on the inside by the revelation that they finally had something. The first real plan in years, and now that he’s come down from the high of it a little, he searches the playing field for a scratch under the surface. Anything he had missed. 

The danger part sticks out the most- They’ve been doing this for a good ninety two years or so and thinking about all the planets they could have saved sinks low into the pits of his stomach like anchors. The more and more he ponders into it, the less and less more on board he is with the plan, but. But… 

It’s not like there’s any other option to saving a planet from a god hating plane eating mass of destruction. They already know this, and yet-- 

( It’s like being back in that space with Lucretia again, watching the Hunger eat and it’s that gnawing awful feeling churning in his gut that makes him want to look away, turn away and be sick somewhere. Anywhere that’s not here, and Lucretia has this sad awful look about her that he just hates looking at, because it isn’t fit for her. Her face should never have to contort that way but-- they don’t stop watching it for the longest time and he remembers those words… 

_“ This part is always the hardest to watch.” “ Having to abandoned these places and knowing that even if our chances of retrieving the light are good, taking it away from their world isn’t enough. That trying to put in the effort of saving others that we can’t take along isn’t enough..” Never enough…_ ) 

He squeezes his eyes shut. Let’s a frame of time past by as the pinch in his fingers spread thinly over the bridge of his nose, nasally breathing out a sigh. 

It’s a tough choice but.. He’s so tired of leaving planets behind to die. 

He just want this to be over with. 

“ Is a little danger out in the world that bad?” 

“Isn’t that better than the entire world being destroyed?” 

* * *

They arrive to Faerun in over less than a couple of hours. 

The trip, like any of the others had been, was exhausting. 

Hitting that hour felt like ice had carved away into the sculpted build of his chest as it heaved and bursted with carbon dioxide. He didn’t bothered to look out any windows. Plane gazing as it is has lost its lack luster after just a couple of times and there isn’t a point to looking forward to something anymore when they know it’ll be gone in a year and knowing what they know could happen to them. 

Magnus juggles his creation between two shaky palms, leaning against the wall of his room as the ship’s hum buzzes against the drum of his ear, flinching at each jolt of atmospheric rush the ship overtakes as it seeks the chance to land itself somewhere. 

He knows that as soon they hit the ground, they all have to leave. They all have a duty to fulfill, and that duty requires taking these damn things and putting them out somewhere into the world where they can hide it for a while- however long that’ll last- and let them be used for what they were intended to be made for. That need-- Craveablity. 

His tongue slides across thin chapped lips, letting the relic fumbles between his fingers. The motion of it is familiar,calming in a way that he remembers as a kid he used to get a lot of shit for. Juggling stuff between his palms had become a mechanism of sorts that had been a habit ingrained into him to make him less talkative. Less mobile. 

It kept his nervous thoughts from escaping, sitting around with his thumb and fingers jiggling junk between each space while the world around him turned on its axis. Long lists of old toys to sea shells and pinballs strike a memoir in his brain first-- a collection of things that are vaguely remembered. Those simple little things he doesn’t really like to dive his mind into, careless, easy, unfurling thoughts that’ll likely drown him in minutes and-- for right now, now is not exactly the time for reminiscing and getting all up and drenched in his feelings. He’s got a job to do. 

The gravity here is heavy on his heart when he finally leaves to put his mark on the world, boots crunching thick into the grass and sand when they meet and vaguely it feels wrong to be here on a planet where the thin line between their home and this home is blurring and configuring back into one all together right before his eyes. Like a missing link; his mouth goes dry at the thought, heart aching miserably in his chest. 

Behind him, he hears footsteps and turns with just the slightest bit of movement,the Chalice concealed. Lucretia walks out the open flap of the ship, her staff held tightly between one hand, her face grim for a moment before stopping short and spying Magnus. 

“ Oh, I didn’t know..” She stops, her mouth morphing to fit the shape of a flat line. He can spy the subtleties of insomnia befalling the wake of her eyes, the moons that hang there at the edge and gods if she looks this dreadfully tired after all of this.. What the hell does he look like? 

What the hell does the rest of them look like? 

“ Hey.” He says, though what comes out is a hoarse echo of the word. He tries clearing his throat, the hand that holds the cup gets clenched tighter. “ You.You finally heading out?” 

She eyes him down, staring at a particular piece of him, it takes him but a moment to realize that she’s spotted his Relic hiding under the cloak of his robe, its gold plated skin glistens in the light when the wind picks up, moving the curtain of his robe backwards. The way her eyes seem to glow then darken is like light to shadow in the eyes of Magnus, amazing yet solemn; as the curves of her mouth digs deeper downward and she turns slightly, looking away. 

The reaction is enough to make him almost croak ; he clears his throat again, seizing the chance to move the Chalice closer to his chest as he does. 

“ Cretia? You leaving?” He asks again, he tries to meet her eyes, but it seems like she doesn't want to. 

“ It’s not like I have a choice.” She mutters, her cloak is clutched more to her person. “ We all have to.” 

And he hears the discomfort just streaming off her,laced between the words, like poison.The same kind that’s been wordlessly uttered like a ghost about the ship’s uncomfortable atmosphere. After the meeting, she seemed at a distance with the others, having told her that the plan she had wasn’t as well crafted for success as she believed. She had put so much time and effort into such a spell, so much dedication and time to channel and learned and pull that action into existence, and for years she had hope that it would all come into fruition for the coming battle they would soon have to take on again. 

But it didn’t and Magnus having seen the extent of it, had sat and watched her face fall at the sight of her friends distrust with it. 

He remembers sitting there, watching as the conversation unfolded right in front of him as the three of them engage in decisions. There was a clear higher majority with Lup and Barry’s plan, and he knew from the moment he look over in Taako’s direction who’s side he’d end up on. There was no debate there. Merle was no less of a challenge, he’d go with which either worked best, not much of a chooser. But seeing him pick the side of the winning majority was no surprise to Magnus either. Merle tended to go along with the crowds. 

And him, he didn’t know what to do. 

He sat there for a moment.Thinking, both plans had promise.But her’s was built around the decision of taking the autonomy of an entire planet, to cut them away from something. And he argued with it, because from the way it was explained it was a decision he didn’t want to take a risk with. 

But they made a proposition and they will stick with it for however long that time would bring to them. He hopes maybe they’ll be wrong about this one, but at the same time, he hopes that’ll never happened and maybe finally they can be free of these long cycles of rinse and repeat. 

There’s a long silence between them, a berth of space that sits like a invisible glass wall in front of them. He tries to open his mouth but before the words are slotted out with tentative speed, Lucretia opens up first. 

“ Where are you taking yours?” she walks just a step closer, still not too far from the ship’s last step. Her staff held to the floor as she eyes him. “ Is it somewhere far?” 

“ Uh, No..” He starts, then forgets, they had a map detailing places to go that would be good for relic placing. They each found a spot that would suit them easily. “ Wait yeah, actually it is I think. It’s somewhere out near the outskirts of a Gulch..Pretty far but also pretty isolated which is what I’m going for? I don’t know.” 

She nods, a small smile crafts itself almost invisible as she turns her attention to her staff. “ Okay, that’s good. Putting them somewhere that’s isolated is pretty smart.” 

“ I guess so.” He says, still a little bit unsure of it, still questioning and overthinking about a million things. 

“Is this gulch dangerous though?” She asks, when her eyes meet his for a brief moment, there for a split second but even he doesn’t need a second glance to know that she’s tired. Just like the rest of them. 

“ You know, I haven’t really brush up on it.” He admits with a smile, crooked, his fingers tap against the plated design of the Chalice. “ I was sorta hoping that I’d be done with this by the time the day had begun.So I wouldn’t be sure but whether the trip is going to be dangerous or not doesn’t really matter to me. I can handle it.” 

Truth be told, the only reason he was so eager to leave first was because he needed the energy. He wanted out of the ship for a bit, in there, the air is suffocating and watching as his friends all waited on baited breath for the other shoe to drop on them as the light stayed disconnected from itself and the fear of the Hunger’s arriving scouts to take notice was hard. He’s never seen them so worked up in all of his time they’ve traveled and cycled throughout nearly a century. 

The way the Captain paced with a neural pattern in his step, the way Barry stayed tethered to the confounds of his room, sleepless. The way Taako bit harsly into the free edge of his fingernails when he was nervous, and Lup sat with shaky uneasy legs, thinking and always distant. The way Merle tried to ease everything into a more positive light, putting on a face of irenic value but beneath it, Magnus could spy the dread, laced between every word, every expression, every movement. It was in all of them, no matter how much they tried to conceal it. 

And Magnus hated it, it felt like a hopeless effort, like the speed of their century grown paranoia would bury them alive before they’d even get the chance to hold themselves down and remind each other- things are gonna be fine. This plan will work. 

And when it didn’t come, and the dread began to wither, They let out their collective breaths in a sign of relief and revelry. It was a nice yet short-lived kinda feeling that’s only ever familiar to him if he pins on it attentively. 

Lucretia’s gaze doesn't stir. “I figured.” is the most that Magnus hears uttered from her before she lifts her eyes and looks, and for a second there, he swears there’s a glistening to her eyes he’s never seen before. “Still it never hurts to be a little prepared for these kinda things. I mean, it’s not like we can just die anymore anyway.” 

“ Why you worried about me?” He teases, only allowing his tense smile to crack forward just a little bit, maybe to ease a more casual tone to their stiff atmosphere. Then remembers her words--we can’t die anymore and-- oh, yeah that. He forgets mortality’s not a throwaway anymore. His smile faltering. “Yeah I know. Though it’s not like I can’t be careful, I’m just a rush in and brash kinda guy, a hard-hitter if you will.” He prides, noting her distance drawing near. Lucretia nods, his smile must be contagious because there’s one spreading like a fire to hers, small yet there enough to be seen and she enters the space. 

“ I know.” She says, “And no, I’m not worried, I know you’ll be okay, I’m just hoping you’ll be smart during your travel there is all.” 

It’s a second in between where she embraces him, an arm held and wrapped around the side of Magnus as he pauses, the hand that clutches the Chalice almost losing focus before he catches himself, and reciprocates the hug. 

“Be safe.” She whispers, and something about the way she says it makes him solemn, like she shouldn’t have to tell him this, shouldn’t have to be the one to tell him this over and over… 

“I’m coming back Cretia..” He mutters, wholeheartedly hoping she gets the message. “You don’t have to keep worrying like this, it isn’t healthy.” _Please stop worrying. He doesn’t think he can take another look at that face._

Lucretia laughs softly against the wind, the sound mourning painful like a sob but genuine in its fullness, she lets go almost immediately after, collecting herself. There’s a hand held over the space of her lips, still crackling with life despite the telltale smudges of exhaustion hanging beneath her eyes. “ Magnus Burnsides, telling me what’s not good for my health? Now that’s.. a little funny.” 

“What? Worrying?” he phrases it like a question, brow raising upward. “I would have thought the conversation of it would have come up before in the dozens of years we’ve spent out there. Come on, this can’t be the first time you’ve heard me say this.” 

“ Maybe so.” she replies, still repainting the shape of her face into a more neutral facet. “ But it sure feels like I haven’t heard it before.” 

And maybe he hasn’t said it before, he could be lying about it just to make a point but it’s still brings him a good feeling watching her face transform from a bed of controlled anguish to a storm of felicity right in front of him. So he doesn’t complain at all, stepping away from her, juggling his relic. 

“ We’re gonna be okay Cretia, if this plan works out, we won’t need to worry about anything else.” He says, moving backwards, the sun hits his neck behind the mountainous fields they’ve landed in. Still watching her face. “ Yours isn’t completely off the table if it doesn’t.” 

Her eyes gleam and then dim at the words, a surface of tension puts her sliver of jubilation to rest. She shifts. “ Right. I know that.” 

The way it’s spoken out, makes him feel all the more guilty about the exchange, makes him wish he could take it back and stand with her that way he wanted to, and maybe make it better. He knows it’s not a good enough answer for her, a shitty one really, but if the only way to articulate that promise is to shift it into a comfort for her in the near future than what else does he have to say. 

The light of the sun dusts over granulous fields, wind picking up at the scape of grass swaying with its length pulling in all direction and Magnus feels his boots brush against the weeds. Stilling when he realizes Lucretia hasn’t moved, it’s about time he gets a move on. 

“ I gotta..” He starts, feet walking back one more inch, trying to let her know subtly, but she finishes for him, nodding. 

“ I know.” She says, “ Be careful and stay safe.” 

He walks, returning her nod and then turns away. 

The Chalice becomes unconcealed, and for a moment,he doubts that strong belief of readiness he thought he had for this. 

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

He hears about the reports, hears the chaos ringing aloud outside and shivers. 

They all had no idea the extent of their creations being this powerful. Not nearly as prepared for the wreckage it would bring and to Magnus, it’s like a scene out of nightmares. 

He watches as the Gauntlet takes shape and slaughter its way into the heart of battle. Leaving behind the blackened remains of its presence in the form of circular glass scars. And in the death of that battle, he had grimaced at the sight and excused himself from the balcony. 

He’s watched these things all before, seen what they do, know what they’re capable of and yet.. He still can’t seem to stop himself from shaking each time it happens. 

The wars only get worse, and they’ll continue to get worse so long as there’s no intervention. 

He watches as the world blows itself up from the sidelines and thinks of the Chalice. How it hasn’t been seen since he left it with those two people and the town they lived in. And he wonders and worries and stays up all night never allowing himself the reward of sleep as a punishment to never knowing what the fuck is happening with that one. 

The others have it easy, theirs might be conspicuous and obvious in their signs, but at least then they have ways of knowing what is happening. They have ways of hearing news of or seeing first hand the wreckage and carnage each relic delivers in its wake but his? 

His doesn’t. Time is a concept without a physical bearing to it, there’s no way of knowing what’s been changed or what’s been tampered with without directly knowing the cause for what’s been altered at all. There’s an assortment of possibilities scatter out before him in visions that wield the what ifs and the what nots of what could possibly be happening with his relic. 

And to think about them-- to think about Jack and June in such a way where the idea of either of them succumbing to the force of the Chalice is such an ugly intrusive thought, it has shelved up a month’s worth in hours of sleep away from him, and it’s like a shredded and tarnished wound to his heart, so big and unforgiving he wants to crawl inside of himself and encased the thoughts away where they won’t leave him feeling so vulnerable underneath the weight of what he could have-- might have-- maybe- done to a group of people who never deserved to be shaped into the burden he’s carried with him for months, and it is.. It is.. 

It’s the worst kinda feeling, never knowing at all what’s happening. 

But despite the feeling and the pain it inflicts, he slots that guilt in like a glass wall between himself and the world. 

* * *

Magnus is still shuffling through the confounds of their shared music box when he hears Lucretia mutter- 

“ That man is too overly thrilled for the outcome of this situation.” 

And he stirs but only just a little, before turning his head and following her eyes. They meet with the back of Merle’s head, trying to pull Lup out of the kitchen; a giddiness in his step that for this atmosphere just doesn’t quite fit the picture and-- yeah. He can see what she’s talking about. 

“ What, Merle?” He lets his body turn to face her halfway, the album in his hand almost forgotten, then gives her a small shrugging motion. “ That’s just how he always is. He’s alway been a bit of a positive-sorta weird kinda guy. Always seemingly in a good mood, despite the situation and the fact that he can’t read rooms very well…” He shifts, again, fingers dotting over the stack before picking a song. “ You know kinda like he sees the glass half full.” 

Lucretia makes a face, brows scrunched together still watching. “I don’t know. I don’t think that’s what this is. It seems like he’s trying too hard, like he’s trying to conceal his own dismay but it’s not working out in a way that’s not subtle.” She sits back, taking a sip; the curve of her lip tilting over as Lup makes her way out of the kitchen and Merle gives up, looking somewhat unhappy in the aftermath of an unsuccessful dance. “ It’s just hard to watch…” 

“Then don’t watch.” He simply says,fully turning away from the jukebox. His arms crossed as he leans on the wall next to it. “ You don’t need to always overlook things.” 

“How can I not when it’s happening right in front of me.” She states, with an arm out gesturing to the unwinding scene. Her eyes are cocked to the side, viewing him with a look of serious appal. “How can I just ignore how everyone is feeling when it’s all that I see? All that I can read in their body language. I can’t just not overlook it, it’s there and it’s looming over their heads like black clouds.” 

And he wants to tell her she’s wrong but, she really isn’t. And trying to admit that he himself couldn’t feel that looming sense of guilt hanging over them would be lie in itself. Because he feels it too, That feeling hasn’t really gone away from them in the months they’ve spent trying to wash it down with idle talks and distractions the likes of which are always engaging but never enough to sate the mass of its unrelenting shadow clinging to the backs of their minds where it sits and festers. He knows she’s right. 

She’s never not been right about it, and it’s just so like her to be so damn observant of her peers. To look past that window of obscurity they’ve all built together to press back any remnant of reprieve for the world they’ve only come to know for less than a few months.Because they’re so used to losing things, they’re used to leaving behind that attachment they’d get from meeting new people. From experiencing new things. The circles of friends they could have called their own are only just memories and nothing else. 

Like talking dust, what’s the point in caring about something that’s just gonna be gone in a year. 

Her eyes are wild, then somber, then regretful. Probably thinking she’s said enough. She forgets this is supposed to be a party, and they’re supposed to be celebrating something. A pitiful fog of silence overcomes her for a moment before she frowns and speaks. 

“ I can’t just ignore this Magnus. Not after what we’ve done.” Her head is shaking, leaving her glass for the table, he watches as her face crafts together a mournful look. “Not after the way it all affected you.” 

And when she starts to get up and leave, he realizes he doesn’t have a word to say to that. But a part of him wants her to stay and ask, wants to indulge in something, wants to engage himself. Because that’s essentially what this party was supposed to initiate for the lot of them wasn’t it? A sense of relief and joy in knowing they’ve succeeded. That they’ve made a difference finally and can keep themselves and the planet out of harm’s way of an even bigger danger than the ones causing havoc on the plane’s surface. 

He thinks the solution they’ve created was better than nothing, but even still the effects of it are always a thought that’ll keep them up during nights and cover their every emotion like a blanket-- And he gets where she’s coming from, this shit is just too hard to ignore and he knows this. And maybe that’s why he doesn’t say anything to counter it. 

Maybe that’s why he doesn’t stop her. Words burned to the back of his throat, begging relentlessly for release, but his mouth just won’t allow it, his tongue feels pricked and well unadjusted as it did talking to Barry just a few moments ago. And he wants to ask her what she thinks the better solution should have been to this. Would it have been her shield? Or would have been something else. 

But he never gets the chance. By the time he’s even formed the words, Lucretia is already a foot away from the table quickly ushering herself out of the room. He watches her go,words heavy and forgotten as the soft melody of the jukebox drowns out the rest of the room. 

* * *

Magnus is terrible at sleeping tonight. 

You live through a year in fear, waiting in anticipation for the worst to happen, for the plan to fall flat like being careful and staying alert isn’t enough to keep the bags under his eyes from collecting. See what a wreck the world has become because of your influence--your decision gone horribly wrong and you’ve come to realize that the condition your body and by feeling or lack of feeling in guilt that spreads atop the bed you lie in and cuts you open every night isn’t so much out of ordinary anymore. 

That kind of relaxation-the one that only he’s ever known before in daydreams, like the kind he’d find tucked away in between years of running, and years of hiding, and years of dying under the siege of tendrils and black opal-- like the moments on the beach in that one singular year they’ve spent together-- that kind of relaxation is an anomaly to him; a myth that sits back and rewinds like snapshots in his head to happier more stressless times. ( The only place it’ll ever exist he thinks.) 

It’s not that Magnus isn’t opposed to sleep, he could lay flat for an hour and be out like a light in minutes, it’s just that he doesn't want to. At least not right now, and at least not right after that terrible dream. 

He’s tried closing his eyes, but that takes him nowhere, and when there’s nowhere for a brain to go, it takes the less traveled route of his mind into places he doesn't want. Through the spaces of time where he’s pressed back into the body of himself as a kid, curled up with his knees tucked in and pressed against the side of a pillow during a rather rainy night alone, drifting until he finds himself in another place. Recycled past lives of that day under the purple sky, beaten and bruised by kids that didn’t know him and it’s regressed again as that same unceasing ache in his chest that resurfaces like a disease when he wakes. Missing something, but never knowing what. 

He’s learned early on in life that it’s not smart to sleep like you’re not awaiting something to come and get you. 

So he gets up. 

And he wanders, because that’s all he can do. He feels like he needs the fresh air, that stepping out onto the balcony will clear his head and erase all thoughts the way it always seemed to do before when he was itching to get out. 

He waits in the hallway and checks until he’s sure that nobody is up, normally the twins are the ones that stay awake during these times, as they never really needed the sleep. But in some cases they still try to, and are usually locked within the confounds of their room when it gets to be this late. 

He has no idea of what exactly the time is, given that the time between worlds changes again and again, and they never really keep up with the change as they never really needed to. Well not anymore he guesses, the pale almost hidden light in the sky as he finds his place by the window tells him it’s likely near four in the morning, early enough to be awake, but still so late and he continues down the path of the hallway. 

He lets his stomach lead him towards the kitchen, feeling kinda peckish. It’s not too late to snag a few things to eat to help ail some comfort into him, and with all the food they have left over, he’s sure to unwind without the trouble of interaction from others. It’ll be a good few hours before that happens at least. 

But as he rounds the corner, thinking of hitting up that spiced meal that Lup made, he’s surprised by a figure looming around the kitchen table, shuffling through something with their back turned for just a moment and Magnus stops short in the doorway. It takes him a moment to realizes who the shape is, and as he draws closer their most unsubtle frame is presented and posed with a spoon in their hand,long frizzy hair held up in a short bun, they turn finally and Magnus meets the eyes of a calming face; first puzzled then still. 

“Oh hey Mags.” Taako says, he smiles, the expression soft and keeping Magnus still at the door for a second before he recovers. 

“Hey.” A posed more forced smile reenters his lips, unsure of whether to stay or go. He doesn’t know what they’re doing here but he supposes it has to be something else that’s kept them up this late. 

Taako shifts his weight to a chair, the object he’s been fiddling with- a cup held between a less manicured hand, is set down near the edge. There’s steam coming off it and from the smell, Magnus can already tell there’s well made coffee sitting in a pot nearby. 

“Come here often?” Taako looks up, a small toothy grin is placed like an invitation, and it occurs to Magnus that he might not be the only one having sleep problems, given some of the dark circles he can see beneath Taako’s eyes, barely concealed in the light of the kitchen window. “I’ve got freshly made coffee sitting around if you want a sip. Helps like an ailment in this trying sleepless time.” 

He looks between Taako and the table, shifting his gaze uncertain before relaxing. 

“Yeah I think coffee’s pretty good right now…” He says, leaning somewhat against the doorframe. The elven man lifts a finger, and a single cup from a cabinet begins to levitate and swivel its way toward the side of the sink where a pot sits steaming. It’s poured with ease and without mess and set away on the other side of the table, awaiting him. 

He continues to stand there until he doesn’t. Moving inward and Taako looks back at the empty table, at the the cup he’s got cradled in his hands and takes a long drawn out sip, looking as peaceful as he can manage, at least to Magnus that’s what the image of his face looks like. He can’t really see much of their eyes in the dark. 

When he doesn’t speak, Taako takes the chance to address a question, “Couldn’t sleep?” 

Magnus shakes his head. “ Nah, not tonight. You?” 

“ Same, I wasn’t really feeling up for a nap.” Taako says, idly taking another sip.“I was up before the last half hour or so, and craving some coffee so that’s what initially prompted this whole nightly indulgence.” 

Magnus gets it-- he knows that elfs don’t naturally need the sleep but that doesn't stop either of the twins from getting in on something close to it. And if sleep wasn’t the answer at night, they always had meditation. At least in Taako’s case, and in some seamless thought, he wishes he had that kinda option for himself. 

“So besides the “no sleep rationale”, what else brings you down here?” Taako leans back in his chair, soft, and if anything at all he’s the picture of ease despite the obvious drawn out signs of tired held back beneath his eyes. “ Feeling hungry after that dinner?” 

“ Not necessary.”, Magnus shrugs. “ I mean I did come down here for something small, but I’m not like starving or anything. Just..I came here for something.” And he eyes the coffee still sitting by his arm. It’s been untouched for most of this. He goes for a sip, looking away. It’s a better excuse than just saying he came here from a nightmare. 

“ Right..” Taako drawls out the word, the slur of it swallowed up from a sip. “And that something is…?” 

Magnus pauses, his thoughts shifting. “ I don’t know.” 

There’s a peak of silence held between them, usually they’ve never had this problem remain constant before, at least one of them talks, but for the days that have come by in polaroid record, it’s hard to make up small talk when the only things on your mind are what’s looming just outside the walls of this hovering ship. 

There’s a snort of amusement coming from the other side of the table, Taako’s arms lay hazardly by the back edge of his chair, nearly tipping over. “ Well Magpie, “I don’t know” isn’t really on the list of things we’ve got edible and waiting around in one of the compartments of the fridge so I’m gonna need a better description on what the big man’s really in the mood for.” He stops tipping and leans upfront. “ Cause I know for sure that coffee’s not gonna fix the problem is it?” 

He huffs out a laugh, and for the first time tonight since he’s been up, Magnus cracks. “ I guess, but I don’t really think I need much of anything right now. The coffee’s enough, besides I’m not in the mood to.. really eat.” 

Taako raises his eyebrows. “You? Trouble eating? Color me surprised.” 

Something about that just does it in for him, and Magnus laughs like he can’t control the noise, the sound of which paints a curious kinda titillated look over Taako’s face. And just like that, that little bit of worry he’s been holding back is gone, for just a moment. It’s like the aching gnawing feeling of anxiety that’s been festering up inside of his gut since the moment he got here has scattered away with the laughter it brings in light bubbles. 

“ I guess so.” He finally says, settling back down. “ Maybe I just needed something else. Like a talk.” 

Taako squints, taking another sip from his cup. “ A talk? About what?” 

Magnus pauses, thinking, his voice hesitant as the words are repurposed, forgetting his excuse. There’s a lot of things on his mind right now, and a lot of things he’d like to say, but half of those things are… unfortunately things he’d rather distract himself from. Like the nightmares, and the constant worries, and the world tearing itself apart below… He thinks the other would be better at this, the talking part. Because Taako talks and brings in the conversation without the need to incite for it. He’s easier at this than Magnus will ever be, and being asked of this now just seems conflicting in a way that’s difficult to discern as anything but. 

“ About anything.” He finally says, “ Anything that’s worth talking about right now.” 

Anything that works like a distraction. And Taako stops his rocking to sit still, his cup set away as a nimble hand crosses beneath the border of his chin, thinking. “Hm. How about…... How...how are you doing?” 

Magnus blinks, “What?” 

“ I mean like...” Taako starts, the words drawing and thinning out as he emphasizes with a steady pointing finger. “ How are you doing in this moment, like right now-ish. I know how we’ve all asked this before, once upon time maybe, but now that’s there’s not a lot of threat around to really worry about anymore, I’m just being curious.” he finishes, drawing his cup closer. 

“ I don’t see how that’s a good question.” Magnus says, still in pause and his mind churns like gears clinking together as he stares. Taako only shrugs. 

“It’s the best I’ve got right now mon frère.” He says, “ It was either that or prod into our feelings which.. Judging by your own expression and my reluctance towards the subject matter, is the last things either of us want to spill coffee over.” 

Magnus hates to agree with that sentiment, but he knows Taako’s right. He initially came here for a distraction, not to dive into feelings. 

Right now he’s a lot of things, all fettered and restless, and if he had the courage to say otherwise, he would. But his mouth just won’t allow for that right now, and they’ve wasted enough time together, well enough into years and years stacked onto each other to the point where the other could read into him enough to see through the white lies. Taako’s just too observant for a mouth full of bullshit, despite the aloof facade he wears over his head and face like a mask. He’s sad, he’s angry, but most of all he’s tired. After everything so far who wouldn’t be? 

The ache in his chest returns, bone deep and heavy, and the plate of his shoulders droop with realization to that. “ I.. I guess I’m just tired.” He says, settling with that but still picking his words, like he needs them to be right, like they need to be exact; and it’s suffocatingly difficult at first because he’s never really been good with his words. It’s always a stumble and head first kinda thing. “ I don’t really have a handle on what it is that I’m feeling right now, it’s just. It’s not easy to say it without differentiating between whether I mean tired or whether I mean something else you know? It’s difficult.” 

There’s a flash of something twitching between the space of Taako’s fingers, lifting his cup. He offers a hum in response. “ I get it.” The cup is lifted away with a smack. “ Pretty sure everyone’s feeling that, after everything so far, I’d believe it.” 

“ Do you?” Magnus looks on, “Because I don’t think I’ve seen it.” 

“ That’s because everyone’s good at the clearing it off their faces Mags.” Taako explains, picking at something in his nails, the light of the night is starting dim out through the window. “ We’ve been going at this for so long, expecting things to happen, to expect the worse to come from every possible angle and when it finally doesn’t, we don’t know where to put it.” 

Magnus purses his lips together,” Is it really that easy?” 

“ Truthfully speaking, no.” Taako states, shaking his head, “But it’s different for everyone.” 

They both finish, and when that’s done, their cups are left for the stove countertop. Footsteps leaving for the ship’s door out to the balcony. The smell of the outside catching them both as they tiptoe towards the edge, let their chest and hands reach the cold railing and rest against it while the world continues to wake and the sunlight follow their bodies like a beacon. 

Taako’s elbow brushes against the side of Magnus, sighing to himself. 

“ Gods I’ve missed this..” He confesses, after settling still, his eyes misty. “ Like I know I don’t say it enough, because of the whole changing worlds thing but, this stuff right here is always nice to wake up to.” 

Magnus can’t help but agree. They can only see these type of things for so long before it becomes the last things they see of it, like sunsets pouring out over the hills, and star lights swimming in deep pools of black cosmos. He was never one for pretty sights the way Taako and the rest of them might be, but even he can admit to missing the little details about planets like these. The food, the wondrous places, the colorful people. 

Across the space of him, Taako is smiling, his mouth bends evenly curved. “ You know, Lup and I talked about what we would do now if we were to start up our lives again. Like what we’d want to do and where we’d go. The details of it are vaguely under constructed because you know it’s just really a concept and not an actual plan but.” He pauses, taking a moment to shift his weight. “ It’s been something we’ve been thinking about for a while now.” 

Magnus stares surprised at the confession, turning his head. “ Really?” 

“ Yeah.” Taako says, putting his hands underneath his head, resting it. “Though it’s not concrete or anything it’s just more or less a construct--an idea I guess. Nothing fully in development” 

“ What do you wanna do?” Magnus asks, and he watches the way Taako sits up, the sun is lit to their hair, creating a halo that spreads and decorates a crescent of highlights to its length. 

He sighs, “ I guess maybe settle for a business, somewhere that’s nice or easy to maintain. I don’t really think there’s really anywhere I’d ever be comfortable with settling in just one place to house or not, there’s a lot of ground to cover, and places to go to but…” And he wilts a little as his brows comes together to furrow and display a discomfort Magnus can’t see from the corner of his eye. “ But I guess it’ll be a while before we even think about considering anything like that. Considering..you know what’s happening now.” 

In Magnus’s mind, he pulls the short conversation of what he and Barry talked about before during that evening party. About the question that’s been boggling his mind for a good long week. It had been a talk about the endgame of this--- where they’d follow up on a plan for what happens next after such an succession. And he remembers being unsure of what they’d even consider for a life beyond what they’ve learned and conditioned into themselves for over a century. What they’d want or put away in afterthoughts because they know that this can’t stand forever, and while the ship serves as a place of home for so many years, there’s only so much room for the seven who have made a mark here, before they started thinking of things individually. About things that involve only themselves and he remembers Barry’s words--this is it bud, there is no other endgame. If there was, we already did it. 

It hadn’t sat right with him before, and even now it still doesn’t. But Taako talks like there’s more to be explored here. Like this mission itself is finished and there’s an epilogue to this story where they all lived happily in different places, and the world isn’t rotting away beneath them in a smoky haze of destruction anymore, it’s flourishing; healing and resplendent. Like this part of the story hadn’t hit that finish line quite yet and rather than treat this with clear eyes, he talks like this is just the beginning of things; of better chances for something deserving a rewarding ending to their story than the fear and gripping vigorous thought of whether they’ve made the right choice in saving the world this way. 

There are still other worlds he thinks, in this winding universe that are still at the threat and mercy of the things that keep following them. Still searching, still lurking, still piecing together the mystery of where they’ve all turned to and if the probabilities of that beat any sense of happy endings for him, he’d fight it anyway just to daydream the ways Taako threads a picture of it in words so moony and languorous. 

Because all they can really do, is dream about it. 

Because the universe for whatever reason, has chosen them for this. And if he could describe it any other way he’d say it was unfair. 

They don’t deserve to have the weight of the entire fucking universe rest on their shoulders. 

“What do you want to do?” Taako asks. 

_What does he want to do?_

It’s things like this that really send his mind reeling. Really get him thinking in regards to himself, because beforehand he never really had the time to think about himself. He was only ever worried about the safety of others. Acting as a shield to their dangers, their worries, their doubts, because that’s what he wants to be, a protector. Something that adds a relief to his circle of people he’d readily lay down his life for, and that’s all of them really. Being a protector and being strong enough to fend off what his friends can’t is all he ever wants to build himself into, carve a space big enough for himself to fit in comfortably the way he could only dream about when he was little and scrappy, and wildly fighting to become something better than just weak and small. But beyond just that aspect of himself? But beyond what he’s been through, it’s hard to dive into anything else that hasn’t been a recurring cycle of his life anymore. 

Running and fighting and hiding is all he’s even been introduced to for the better parts of his young and present life. What is he supposed to do after that? What is there to do after the battle has drawn to its conclusion and there’s nothing left to fight anymore. What does he do with himself then? 

He loved the thrill of adventure, the conative idea in exploring places and getting a hands on approach to new things, and the thrill in jumping headfirst into inexplicable situations that leave him wanting more than a taste, and ignoring the warning signs of definite but early death. To live fast, and die young had been the paragon stable to his life and its achievements but at this point in time, that stage of his life has weathered into a mess of unlimitless traumas he doesn’t think he’ll ever recover from. And maybe in hindsight, he should have expected as much joining the IPRE. 

But he’s a fighter, and he puts people first. Self preservation is a foreign concept to him and its reminded in the way he feels a jolted sense of blazen glory in confiding a sense of solidified pride in helping the ones he can in every plane he’s visited, in saving others before himself. Heroes are ready to die for the greater good of the people. Magnus knows this because he’s never thought about a life beyond doing just this, beyond the rinse and repeat of finding a new place, settling there, fighting, winning, or losing, and dying over and over again. He’ll save this world and then if the plan fails, he’ll save another, or at least die trying, that’s the way it goes for him. That’s what heroes do. 

Taako doesn't talk like that. 

He talks like a man waiting for the end, waiting for their time to be up so they can hang their coats and badges and let the air and the world around them clear up and disperse them back to that life Magnus is very much sure doesn’t even exist anymore. Can’t even remember it. Besides there is no original home to return to anymore anyways. He doubts they’ll ever get that back, and this place is the only echoing image they all have left of it. 

“ I don’t know.” He mutters, looking away. “ Probably settle down somewhere maybe, or explore a bit.” 

“ That sounds pretty boring Mags, even for someone like you.” 

He gives them a weird look, snorting. “What really?” 

Taako shrugs, “I mean as heroic and headstrong as you are, I thought you’d say... I don’t know, you’d be like a protector of people or something. Like a personal superman or something of that kind.” 

Magnus laughs, “ Seriously?!” 

“ Hey man it was just an assumption, given what I know about you I’m a little more than surprised you said that and not what I expected you’d say. So it’s sorta like a win-win in this case? You surprised me, and I surprised you.” 

He adds no comment to that, settling with watching the way the sun rolls off the tips of the hills and the faraway mist spread its body as a blanket over the cities and streams of nearby rivers. 

Looking at this he thinks, they could make a place here, any of them really. A place to burn away the stress of years upon years of trauma maybe. It’s a nice sorta thought, and given the topic of their conversation, the scene fits perfectly with everything they’ve talked about for a future less unseen. 

But he doesn’t chase the thought, it’s carefully folded away into the recesses of his mind for later. They can’t really be thinking about living and making a life in a world they’ve nearly destroyed, it just doesn’t seem right, and it doesn’t seem fair to the people who have suffered in favor of their chance at survival. 

So he doesn’t think about it. It’ll be a dream for another day. 

“ Can I ask you something?” Magnus asks, turning to look at the elven man. He notes the way they tilt their head and give him a look of acknowledgement before continuing. 

“Lay it on me.” Taako says, leaning over the railing with a lazy smile. Magnus contemplates the question carefully. 

“ What was your life like before you came to the IPRE? Like what did you do for a time?” 

Taako blinks, processing it and Magnus watches the way his face transforms and contort into a variety of emotions, all vague yet expressive enough that he could tell the difference between each one. They raise their brows and furrow them together, and there’s a noise of something close to a snort before they answer. 

“ Nothing much. It was as normal as it could get for me. There’s not really a lot to tell you about it.” 

Magnus purses his lips, sorta disappointed. “ Really?” 

“ Well I mean”, Taako starts then regresses into silence, his shoulders slumping some. “ It’s not like I was living the oh so grandiose life of luxury when I was out there. Like it wasn’t all sunshine and pina coladas all night long with endless spa days and relaxation. It was normal! Just like anybody else's. 

Like I know I love to exaggerate shit from time to time about the wonderful life and person that is me. But that was just it okay? It was normal.” He spits the last parts of it out like they were tasteless, scrunching his nose up before turning away and leaning his body against the railing a little bit more. Posed a little less expressive and more withered, with his head down, his eyes dim under the curtain of his lids. “ Besides, I had me and my sister to worry about, so anything else wasn’t really a priority...” 

And Magnus isn’t so surprised anymore by the answer. He had a feeling that the one he’d get would be vague and would be handled with a less open opportunity to shed more light on the man he’s come to like and befriend over the last few decades. Because that’s just how Taako is, he’s smoke and glitter nestled away in a bed of secrecy, a man of mystery and Magnus has never stopped liking that one aspect of him. 

“ I get it.” He says, turning back to watch the sun. “ Mine was too.” 

“ Oh? And just how was your life back then muscle man?” Taako nudges the edge of their arm, connecting elbows. He’s got that curious look in his eyes, a lazy smile wraps around the shape of his lips, tilting his head. 

Magnus blinks, the question drawing it back to himself. From the mouth of Taako, it sounds a lot more univocal than the way he phrased his, and maybe that’s because Taako’s didn’t have that blinding intense addition of curiosity tethered to it. It’s loose and steady for a throw around and when he thinks about it, everything comes into fine focus. 

He spent a good majority of his life running and hiding from a malevolent entity, that’s a good part of his life he knows and can revisit well enough without struggle to find in it a way to shape something good out of him, build him into the character he wanted to be for years and years to come. Because that’s what he’s always wanted in life--something to shape and fill that gaping hole he’s had before he was flying through boundless skies and swifting over cosmic seas made of stars. And when that something came he was happy for a time. 

But before that… 

( Before that Magnus was a child searching for something that would etch him out into something bigger and better than himself. Before that he’d dream of traveling to different worlds and picture himself among people he’d consider role models for himself, to follow in those footsteps and piece together a product of something he could take from those people and put in himself. Before that he’d stare up at the starry skies and wonder just what lies ahead of them and feel a budding hole open up in his chest as the curiosity and excitement pushed off of him in waves. Before that he was a lonely kid who wanted to be everything good in life and turned off anything that wasn’t less of selfish valorous instinct. Because anything less wouldn't have gotten him where he wanted to be.) 

“ I..didn’t do much of anything.” he says, he finds it hard to articulate his words without giving them too much meaning behind them. He’s never really been one for obscure duplicity, he has to be honest, it’s got to be or it isn’t much of anything at all. 

“ I was just fixated on what I wanted to do with my life and as a kid I dreamed about becoming something that would help people in a way that would benefit them. Like being strong and.. Protecting others. That sort of thing. What sorta cemented that was.. a time where I saved this dog from these three bullies and in the process of saving him, I was beaten up myself.” He leans the against the railing, the dawn of morning crossing over the threshold of the ship’s balcony as he allows the pressure of his fingers to twist and tap against cold steel banister. 

“ And that what’s essentially set me off I guess. To be something that’s strong enough to defend the lives of others that I care about. To be.. able to become something that’s good and not afraid to stand up for what’s right and to be something that isn’t weak enough to fall under the weight of something bigger than themselves, bigger than me. So that people can stay happy and safe in knowing they at least have someone they can trust and rely on to protect them…that’s what I want to be. That’s what I wanted to be.” He says, and as his words drift off and he lets his eyes cross ways with Taako’s, watching their face for a sign, a reaction maybe. He’s surprised when there isn’t one,Taako’s as silent as the atmosphere’s heavy tug against their heads. It feels like a wormhole had opened up inside of his chest, Taako’s gaze never leaving his. 

“ And I did.” 

For the longest time, he doesn’t hear Taako say anything. No words have escaped out of the elven man so far, just a closed atmosphere plotting a berth of uncertainty into their shared space, crushing and impenetrable, and he slots that silence like a olive branch between them. Thinks he might have overdone it and Taako’s probably never really expected this kind of story to come rivering out of Magnus like this. 

When nothing gets said for the longest time, he finally speaks, severing their indirect staring contest to lower his head, he watches a flock of pegasi fly by, their wings fleeting and horns lit up by the light of the sun’s rays; reflecting beams of rainbow hues, hypnotic and mystifying. 

“ Sorry. Was that too much?” 

If the question was meant to be defensive, Taako doesn’t treat it that way. 

“ Hell no, what are you joking?” He says, surprisingly stoical. “ That was.. Well more than I expected to hear. “ 

Magnus nods, slightly relieved at the response. Not many know about it, and there’s not really a lot to tell, but it’s a story he thinks is worth revisiting whenever he wants to open up a page of himself to someone. Though he mostly keeps it to himself, he trusts Taako enough with it. They've had history as long as the millenia has carried them for. 

“You mean you’re not surprised by it?” He adds, then chances a gaze. They still haven’t answered but maybe he shouldn’t press for one. Or that maybe he just doesn’t want to hear them make a insouciant comment about the one true stable of his life choices. 

“ Hey if what made you you came from saving a dog from a bunch of lil assholes, then I’m not really complaining.” Taakos shrugs, smiling after the fact, and it’s comforting to look at somehow as the conversation begins to mute down into something tepid. “If anything, it makes me feel like a very lucky guy to have you around.” 

And Magnus only smiles at that, it’s not often he hears it, and he’s not one to revel in the words people have come to say about him, being humble sometimes has its perks. But those words are something he as a kid would have eaten up in minutes,and it’s a guilty sort of nice. He doesn't really need to put a word to it. 

The sun’s fully rising by the time Taako starts to stretch his limbs, his stomach growling slightly. “ Well that was nice.” He drawls, pulling a muscle, the crack of his shoulder vibrating off the balcony into the valley of hills below. “ Good talk and all but I’m feeling a little tired so I think I might actually take up on that nap I’ve been stalling on..” 

He pushes himself off the tip of the railing, stumbling back as he begins to walk back to the entrance of the kitchen. He gives Magnus one last toothy grin, so casual that one wouldn’t have thought they’ve spent the past couple of minutes out here catching up on feelings and old memories. And didn’t they all agree not to dwell into any of that at the table? How fucking ironic. 

“ You should probably get some too. You’re not looking so great, so maybe a few Z’s might help with that. And don’t eat up all the leftovers if you get any.” 

“ Yeah yeah..” He waves them off, almost vaguely dismissive. “ I’ll sleep when I’m ready to.” 

Taako stands in the doorway, an expression of something very unknown to Magnus shutters off after a moment, and he squints his eyes slightly, before shaking his head, turning to walk back in. 

“ Whatever you say hero..” 

The words slide off of him like ice, which leaves behind a shutter of something ungentrified and loose. And he almost forgets why he came out here in the first place, forgets the excuse he handled out on a silver platter to his friend and lets himself wash away that humble feeling he pressed around himself while the rest of the world below and beyond wakes up. 

It had been easier back then before all of this, where everyone around him didn’t really care much about him, or about what he wanted to do. It was always him against the world, him against all odds. And when he finally made it here, and got chosen for something bigger, he took it with stride. 

And back then,he didn’t really had much of a purpose, or really people to encompass himself into a way to bring that purpose about, but now he’s a part of a team. Which means he has people to look out for and people to care about, things he never really had growing up alone. 

And these people have cemented a place into his life in so many different ways, he wonders where in time what hand of faith blessed him with such an opportunity as the one he received in the people he’s met and come to know so well. 

Taako with his goofy aloofness and understanding ear that he lends to him on somber nights, Lup with her fiery quips and personality that leaves her so unique he can’t help but be inspired by it. Merle with his warm temperament, that at worst is unbearably obnoxious yet pleasant, always a card and carries the laughter of the team in pockets of positivity. Barry while quiet and reposed, is still nice to talk to, and always so engorged with information and advice and Captainport was just.. Captainport. So dedicated to the mission and his job in leading the charge that it was not hard for Magnus to admire that, not for him to be proud in having them all remain a constant figure in his life. Even shy introverted Lucretia held a special place in his heart that was slotted and decor in her passion towards protecting the one thing he aimed in making the biggest the goal of his life for a century. 

All of them were likeable in their own little ways, and it becomes so abundantly clear how heavily entranced he was and still is with lot of them. How badly enough he cares about them, that wasting his life here on this ship protecting them has been one of the best things he’s ever had the pleasure of taking pride in. 

Because if he isn’t looking out for his friends, then who else will. He knows that they can fight, half of them are pretty much skilled arcane specialists--magic is always the more useful weapon. And he knows they don’t always need the helping hand, but it never stops him from trying to drive the fight back to him. Back to where it should be. And it’s like him alone against the world, like when he was eight and he’s slotting his sleeve between the grits of his teeth smiling at the bullies, and the dog’s watching off from its side of the fight. 

But instead of a dog, it’s six people. 

And the bully is an interdimensional planet eating entity instead of three rowdy kids. 

It’s different this time, but he interprets it as one in the same things, because it's easier remembering it that way as such. Because it puts a point to his purpose here besides just adding a label to his name. 

Eventually he walks himself back to his room, to lay back down and try what Taako suggests. 

He inhales deep, pushing breath to the aching parts of him, and settles in for a quiet sleep that’ll probably only last an hour or so. He thinks about his friends and bends that invigorated determination and love for them around him like a prophylactic shield. 

* * *

A week passes, Lup disappears and it’s unexpected. 

He didn’t even realized it at first because in the time that he did, there was too much happening around them. 

It started little in a variety of subtle alarm that Magnus didn’t register as something truly wrong until he saw the look on Taako’s face that morning after, standing alone in the kitchen, white knuckled and fingers shaking and a grip on a piece of paper he couldn’t discern was written on it. But just going off his face alone, Magnus knew something wasn’t right and- 

He asked him, but Taako doesn’t even bother to answer, he just simply asks-“Where’s my sister?” 

He’s confused, because truth be told, Magnus haven’t seen much of her since that conference meeting she called in a day before about the Gauntlet’s destruction. He don’t know where she is, and Taako stands miffed. 

“Get Barry…” He says, and Magnus doesn’t argue. 

He’s already out the kitchen and running towards the shorter man’s room, banging on his door and shouting his name. Causing so much of a ruckus that he’s sure will wake the rest of everybody on this ship. It takes minutes for Barry to actually arrive, only hearing a shuffle of sheets before he’s at the door and-” Mags? What’s the problem?” and he explains the predicament. 

Things start to only escalate from there. 

There’s commotion coming from the kitchen, noises and words and anger. Then it’s a scramble for clothes and equipment. At one point Magnus isn’t even sure how the others were roped into the tidal wave of its confusion but it just happens and he willingly goes along for the ride. 

They never found her, a new realization of dread inverts itself into a panic that comes slamming down like a sword into the hearts of him and his team and when Taako comes home later that afternoon, after being out there with Barry in tow, red eyed and pain-struck, Magnus’s heart breaks. He can’t bear it, to see that, it’s like looking through a glass sleet, a mirror of something repressed and abated and familiar So very fucking familiar that it’s hard not to look away from it.. 

Painful and yet, when he almost doesn’t allow the elven man to walk by, he almost stands there and awaits Taako to open his eyes to Magnus, he hopes that they’ll speak, say something to break the silence. Maybe he could purchase for a passage of comfort, the kind of which he sorta gave to Magnus that one morning after a nightmare. Hoping for something. Anything. 

But he doesn’t, and Magnus lets him walk by without a word. 

He doesn’t see much of Taako after that, after the day had passed, his efforts continues with an obstinate Barry marching off into places together in search of her. 

* * *

He doesn't know when things started to all come crashing down. Everything about the situation they’ve found themselves in screamed and shouted out the warning signs, something they should have been prepare for. Something they should have seen coming just in case. 

But how can they say that about the situation they’ve created? 

How they can say that about Lup’s disappearance? 

How can they say that about about anything when truthfully speaking, they never really had a clue about it at all. Everything about this is wrong, and in trying to ignore it, the situation only just grows worst. He doesn’t even know if they’re even aware of how fast they’re all waning out now in light of all this mess, doesn’t know anything about the state of his friends.The transformations they’ve taken, what’s happening to them. What’s happening to her. 

It’s a starting point for paranoia, a starting point where he just stops giving a shit. Stops caring about the world at large. And what’s happening to focus his attention up on the people rotting away on this ship. And he wishes he had the answers for it. Because nothing around them is making sense anymore, and they don’t know how to twist the tide away from whatever is trying to rush them off the cliff of sanity, but it’s not as comforting thinking about the impending end rising around the corner as it is thinking about Lup and where the hell it was that she ended up. 

Nothing's the same after that but of course, Magnus knows this already, the expectance of it crept over their backs and under their nose in over the course of a few months. And had they been paying any attention to the changes, however tiny and gradual they were, they might have noticed. 

Like the way Taako doesn’t talk as much as he used to anymore. He spends the better half of his time with Barry and they go off searching every other day. Every other time when he’s emotionally ready to, and when he’s not, he’s in his room. Locked in, and out of sight of the others. 

Like the way, he never sees much of Barry anymore, dedicating his life to the search of his missing lover. Like the way Merle is quiet and reprieved and Davenport is a wall of discontent. 

Like the way Lucretia stayed locked within the confounds of her room, never talking, never coming out. How the warmth in her smile is almost reduced to nothing but a callous fettered waste of what it used to be. Gradually over time, he watches as the state of their health diminishes, and it’s not just them that’s falling under the plight of mental instability, it’s him too. 

The way Magnus stops caring about sleep, the way he stops caring about his own needs, and later his own worries and care for the world around him. 

Things are just not okay after that.But they keep going, despite it anyway. 

* * *

He should’ve maybe expected this to happen. 

But the funny thing about expecting something is that you to have already known it was coming. Had to have a feeling of it. 

And this… is not one of those incidents. 

She stands like a shadow in the dark, illuminated like a beacon by the light of a fish tank, and there’s something almost magnificent and supernatural about the build of her. The flow of white hair bounds like curving towers around her face, messy and ill-kempt while shaky hands flicker in between the space of him as he tumbles. He can see tears in her eyes. But his reasons for understanding why that is and who she is are slipping between the cracks of his mind. 

And she tries helping him up lean against a wall but he’s twice her size and weight and trying to move him would be like trying to push a brick wall. She keeps saying things but all he can hear is static, and it’s a funny kinda feeling. Not as familiar but still yet so distant in a way that strikes him as something he should feel as familiar to him but isn’t anymore. 

And there’s light and there’s flashes of things fading away out of his mind that don’t make sense, and people that he sees that he doesn’t recognize and the swirling dizziness that makes him feel like he’s choking on air, grabbing at his head and then his chest and wheezing out. 

It’s bright lights and a face fading out in front of him . 

It’s words of static and quiet tenacious hums that buzz in and out of his skull like flies. 

It’s who are you. 

It’s I’m sorry Magnus and It’ll be over be soon. 

And then it’s feeling nothing. 

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Magnus doesn’t seem to recall what brought them all here, or by what force of inspiration or curiosity could really describe the feeling of it in a more adequate way. All he knows, is that there’s a story held here in this very room, that at this point in time, his own state of mind can not currently comprehend. 

There’s people, and there’s his friends, and there’s him standing wobbly and unfocused like a newborn at the entrance of the door, the only thing holding him back is the frame of the doorway gripped between the shape of his fingers and-- It’s this really uncomfortable silence muffling the voices of this room that’s putting him on edge. even as the only things he can stare at are the faces of said friends. All sculpted out in shades of emotions he didn’t think he’d ever see paint pictures about them. The image of it is enough to be confusing and the room’s atmosphere is like a clouded berth of disharmony, so much so that he could choke on it. 

There’s Lucretia standing upright by a dias, completely opaque by a still circular force field of some kind, and he doesn’t know why the scene of it is putting him at such an unease so much, but there’s a man scrambling towards him now, and the shape of something wet and cold enters the cave of his hand as he hears the word.“ Drink.” And for some reason at all, he doesn't waste time in asking why, he just does it. 

And when the ichor washes away that vague confusing cloud of obscurity above his head, the scene around starts to make sense. 

It’s Magnus finding himself on his knees at the base of the Bureau floor with a tired and patient Barry putting his hand to his back and patting softly, whispering a pyre of words that send shivers over Magnus’s body. 

It’s this distilled uncategorized sensation opening up a hole in his head that he never really knew was there before and the rushed avalanche that follows like a dam flooding the folds of that part of his brain in rapid succession. Unconsciously unlocking something hidden beneath the depths. It’s seeing years upon years of himself in front of him like a filtered vision, fighting a war he never thought would exist. Worlds and people and memories of things that spill out and carve a weight to his heart that no other shape of himself could take and it’s mystifying and bizarre, but above all else it’s scary. 

It’s the scene of Davenport- his captain, the man who could only speak the width of his name, sitting solemnly by the base of the steps, his shadow a misted reflection upon the bubble Lucretia mediates in. 

It’s the scene of Carey and Killian sharing a space within each other, Killian nursing a bad cut on her arm and Carey’s as delicate she can be about it, nervous kisses placed softly to a forehead as she holds her love with shaky nervous arms, fixing the mess. 

It’s Merle’s unceasing shocked face turning sad and uncertain. 

It’s the way Magnus tries to stand and move and can’t in time when she speaks, can’t preserve the taste of her words sounding lost but indescribably pleading and-- honestly who is she to plead for them to listen? 

They don’t have to take any of this. They didn’t deserve it, but processing that alone is too much right now, he feels like his head’s splitting apart. And it's hard not to take what she says to heart because, hearing it come from her mouth is almost too foreign enough that he doesn't want to believe it, can’t believe it but-- 

This is Lucretia. This is his friend, this is the person he’d happily stand by, someone he cared about. It’s hard not to forgive her, because it’s her and he doesn’t know what it is about seeing her again that’s pushing up a weird almost happy feeling in his chest, and makes his mind spin, But… but.. 

But then Taako raises the umbrella like a slowed vision in the corner of his eye, trembling low with a tilt to its handle gripped by ire and the way the pained expression contorts like poison upon his face makes Magnus forget all of that and remembers that not all the people she meant to “protect” are here anymore and the meaning of that scene starts to change from shock to anger. 

“Ten. 

Nine..” 

He watches like a hawk,as Lucretia scrambles for her words quickly. 

“Please just listen..” 

“Eight.” 

His hand is hesitant. Unsure of where to follow. 

“Seven.” 

" Taako.." 

“Six.” 

“Please..” 

Five seconds left and he doesn't even know why he’s lifting the sword. 

* * *

He never thought he’d say this, but seeing the world end here and now is like a great wakeup call to the lie he’s been living for half a decade long majority of his life. 

And he doesn't know why that’s satisfying to know in a way, but it's cold and it's callous and frankly unfair to the people here to admit it at all. 

They’ve reunioned this about a hundred times, done this about a hundred times and even with all that experience he still feels like he wasn’t prepared for this. His sword stayed gripped to his hand the entire time he walked this place, paranoia held between each step and idle precaution towards every fight he took in merciless stride. 

It’s pain, and it’s remembrance, and it’s the structures of reminding himself that they’ve got bigger problems to deal with--bigger fish to fry than to worry about the cause and effect of one person’s mistakes. 

They’ll deal with it later. 

Right now, there’s a world of friends that needs saving. 

Because if he can’t protect his friends, what the hell is he good for? 

And Lucretia for all she’s worth, is still something his mind twists and argues for a label to what he wants to protect in this tight circled shield he keeps his friends pocketed in. Because believe it or not, he still wants to keep her apart of that. She’s still a carved important piece to his life made from that same circle of friends he's kept and made throughout all of those past lives they’ve spent trying to save worlds. 

Ignoring that would be ignoring those pages of his life he never wants to forget. But to say she’s wasn’t in the wrong for this would be a lie in and of itself and he can’t just past that over. Considering forgiveness, would mean having to chase those years he never got the privilege to miss her in. Or for any of them for that matter and that would mean revisiting every piece of the journey he spent throughout the ten years he’s lived a life here on this very plane. 

He can stand there and denouce a sort of outcry in distrust the same ways as the others had done, but what his brain won't allow, is the action of tossing out the sentiment of missing out on the one person he never really got the chance to truly miss, and maybe that’s why he considers early forgiveness when he ran to her side to throw her into an embrace. Where he held her for well over a minute, and the tears came down like waterfalls; shaky shoulders and a body sinking under a bed of warmth and it’s- it’s.. 

It’s a lot of things. But most of it is good. Charateristically apologetic, but good. 

“I’ll find a way to make it up.” She says, and the way it’s spoken makes his heart swell up in some sick kind of unrelenting way that causes the arms around her shoulders and back to tighten up, he doesn't want to let go. He thinks it’s his past self trying to make up for all the time he’s mourned not being able to miss her. Not being able to miss them. 

“It’s okay.” He says, his voice unsteady and cracked and fuck if he isn’t crying himself. His head tucked between the space of her neck as his own shoulders begin to weep. They’re all strong people with too big fragile hearts. Unintentional saviors of the universe and they’re all a bunch of blubbering children. 

“ It’s okay..” 

* * *

“We’re really doing this.” Lucretia mutters, her staff is held to her side, shaking. The swinging of the wind pushing her hair up on the balcony of the ship. “ This is really happening.” 

“ Seems so.” Magnus says, he hasn’t turned his eye away from the black clouds that tower over them, just a sea of empty space basking in flickers of bright lights. Swirls of reds and yellows and greens. 

They’re only just one step closer to the end. 

They’re one step closer to saving the world. One step closer to ending it. 

He’d never really thought they’d all would ever reach this edge of time but here they all stand and here they are now. And just basking in that revelation alone is enough to make the grip on the handle of his Chance Lance tighten just a little bit more, enough make his teeth grit with anticipation, make his heart pump and swell and beat just a little bit faster than normal, and it’s weird but all the more exciting for him than he’d ever try to understand. 

“ What other choice do we have?” Merle asks, over the sound of the ship’s familiar hum and the pulse of the wind howling and clawing at their backs, it’s so hard to hear it, even with just them so near each other. 

“ It’s either we do this, or we’re toast!!” 

“ I know that!” Lucretia yells, but her voice waivers, the wind keeps cutting her off. “ But even still, we should consider our chances and be careful about this. Be strategic. We could easily slip up and get ourselves hurt if we’re not careful.” 

“ Yeah and?!” Merle moves his arms, shrugging, “ Can’t be more worse than anything we’ve ever done before.” 

“ Yeah for once I actually agree with half pint.” Taako adds, watching the railing. “We’ve been through worse stuff..besides we know we’re gonna win this right?” 

“ I guess.” Lucretia stares beyond the obscurity of the cloud, its pitch black emptiness is haunting save for the same flashes of colors that sometimes come into collision with one another, bouncing off the sides of the ship and fleeting off into unknown boundaries. “ But is it wrong to be at least a little worried?” 

While he’s entered into the same state as the others, the heroic one, he gets her agitation. There’s a lot to be scared about right now, but they can’t leave this to struggle with the what ifs- and the what to do parts of this plan anymore. They have to act and they’ve only got minutes to. 

He looks to her steady and easy, “ There’s nothing to worry about.” Then passes on a thick smile. The kind he knows will paint a picture across her face, if not at least soften the mood. “ We can do this.” 

It’s expected as he’s rewarded with the look he anticipates and she forms a curt smile, however much the rest of the emotion is draped over by a blanket of uncertainty in the curve of her shoulders. 

“I’m gonna have your back.Through this, and if anything happens I’m gonna be there to help.” 

And as those words reach her, he watches the way her eyes blow up, “My.. ”and then pauses, processing. “ Gods Magnus..no. You don’t need---” 

“ No it’s fine.” He firmly puts, hand waving with a confidence to it and he's shooting a lopsided grin at her, like this is still easy, like the world’s on one side of the line and it’s him and his family on the other. “You’re gonna need somebody up there watching your back, somebody to make sure you get out of there alive, and I’m gonna be that guy whether you want me to or not.” 

Because it's always been about them, its always been about his friends and their safety and their happiness and their lives. His life had never been more focused around a circle of people more important than them and he won’t let them ever forget that. Especially not her. 

But Lucretia can’t stop the spiel that comes out her mouth, because that's what she does when she's nervous, he forgets how fucking alike he and her are when it comes to the protection of friends. “You don’t need to do anything drastic Magnus, I, nobody on this ship needs to. I just.. We’ve..” And her words jumble and stifle as she works then out, feels herself grasp tightly at her staff in a nervous tick and shakes her head. “You don’t need to try and sacrifice yourself up there.” 

“Who said anything about sacrifices?” he smiles, this time more bright and full, she clamps up almost immediately as she realizes what she just said. “I didn’t mean--” 

“Look, I know you’re nervous about this. But you don’t have any reason to be so long as we’re here. I mean you've got the world’s bravest fighter, the best magical damn wizard in the business and a semi-okay cleric who sometimes casts good spells.” 

“Hey!” Merle interjects, glaring at the taller man while the elf snickers “ I’m literally right here jackass!” 

“What more protection could you need than that?” Magnus says, and as he turns to look at her, beaming the brightest smile he can managed. A message that sends its meaning- _I’m not gonna leave you here to die before me._ He knows it has to be working. 

Because it's said so bluntly, so articulated in the right way that her eyes widen and twist with a glint to it he thought he might never see again from her. And steadily as they come her tears begin to form a line beneath the rims. 

Magnus puts his hands around the chance lance, retuning that reassuring look of confidence to each of his friends- all streaks of differentating variations of vague stress and bravery. It’s the kind of teachable instinct he had only learned earlier on in life and it’s like he’s eight again, slotting the scruff of his sleeve into the cave of his mouth grinning like an idiot. And Taako is all but unready to head in and Merle’s muttering words under his breath like a prayer of hope, but their eyes all speak the same wavelength of determination. 

_They have her back no matter what._

The show of their shared tenacity must be evident enough on their faces, because Lucretia’s stature changes, and her mood switches, and she’s got that glint in her eyes, a newly reborn confidence. 

They're all ready for this now, and he can not be a little more than proud for the influence. 

It’s them preparing for the worse, it’s careless banter and readying up for the fight of their lives, the one they’ll be able to tell about for years and years to come. It’s thoughtless easy things like him resting his hands to Taako and Merle’s shoulders, and nodding their heads in silent agreement-- you have me, you have us, we’re taking this thing down. I’m not leaving you to it alone. 

It’s Merle laughing like he made a joke, its funny, it’s funny is what it is and Magnus isn't really using his brain for anything right now, it’s more about his instincts, and it really is just them against the world here. Really it is just the five of them now, and he may not know the emotional standpoint the others have with Lucretia, but if she thinks she’s not worth saving, she’s got another thing coming. 

Let a minute fall in between and they’re fighting again. 

He’s losing a lot more thought around the time when they do all make it to the end, around the time when they gather up the last bits of their strength and put a stop to this thing once and for all and Magnus still has that grin plastered to him like a perfect picture to his lips, however strained and tired its weight adds on with the battle; pulling them in with confidence. 

Like the thoughts of dying aren’t crossing his mind in the slightest bits. And if he’s being honest, he’d be damned before he’d let her-- let any of them rush into this mess without him. 

It’s grabbing onto Taako’s arms and pulling him back with Merle at his heels,when the last of that powerful spell is cast, like this is still easy like when things were as simple as fighting off any other monsters-- any other entity and all the memories of all the bosses they’ve fought in the past. When things were as simple as swinging his sword around and rushing in and he’s never been happier, never been stronger, never been more wild and reckless and free. And it’s nothing less than that. . When they reach the end, there’s still so much more they need to do-- one last thing they need done as the ship hits their target and they reach the plane. 

Then Lucretia holds her staff and channels, channels, channels away while the beasts outside her bubble bang against the outer walls and roar their last desperate pleas, and she’s sweating and she stirs and gives them a glance, it swivels between the portal and their faces. 

__“ Go.” she says, watching the ceilings, they’re coming in fast. Crushing through the barrier. “It’s almost ready..I’ll put up the barrier and I’ll make a run for it. This is your chance…”_ _

And Magnus squints at her, a look she knows is wild and defiant for just a second, but they still know each other so well enough, that she doesn’t even need to recognize the meaning. A no is a no even if he doesn’t say it. 

“ Not a fucking chance in the world.” he says, and her brows furrow together in mild frustration. 

__“ Magn--” She clamps up, feeling the heat of the monsters stir and rush in from behind. He doesn’t waste time._ _

Merle and Taako are nodding in unison, their own weapons drawn, and it’s such a good fucking feeling knowing they can still read each other this way. Knowing that they’ll stick around each other like this despite other options and against better odds, and just what an extraordinary bunch of people they are. 

When he rushes by her, there’s a weight to her shoulders he presses with just a simple hand. It’s gripped and easily welded with a comfort he’d only bring her at the worst of times, like when they’d visit situations like these and she’d be unsure of what to do. 

An excuritating present worry held beneath the light in her eyes when she finally looks at what he’s doing--at what they’re about to do, and mouths words of protest in their direction. 

But he cracks a smile, and it’s beaming and incorrigible like the ones he’d shared during times of laughter amongst family dinners, and after good battles, and spreads a warmth only he knows masters a comfort he hopes will let her know, let her understand. 

__It’s okay._ _

Because for god's sake-- he’s already promised her too much to let her die out here on this rotting corpse of a plane. Isn't ready for the worst of what's to come either, but hey! What the fuck can you do? And it’s like a spiel of a realization for Lucretia when she watches them jump right into the rising hoard, watches their bodies disappear and mesh with shades of black, and yellow, and red. 

__“ No time to argue.” he mutters. Lifting his shield, the swing of his sword a twisting visible haze in the dark._ _

__It’s rushing in and the long distant scream of Lucretia as his body wades through pools of black opal._ _

__It’s him still smirking, successfully finishing off the last few blows to the creatures in the dark._ _

__It’s the vague offhanded visions of Taako and Merle scattering out into the darkness, follows by paths of light and fireworks._ _

__And it’s all going up in a bright white light._ _

__Till it’s nothing at all._ _

* * *

____

And then it’s everything all at once. 

He wakes up in the the middle of a field, a shower of lights flash and cascade like snow over head and upon observing, it’s a sight to really behold before… before realizing...Where are they? 

And there’s two figures in red drifting forward. Stopping short in front of them before Magnus even realizes who they are, and what spectral faces they belong to. 

Barry and Lup look as astounded to see them, but their eyes follows the path of the Captain and Lucretia, who walk but hold their tongues. It’s a special kinda silence, that kind that hides a question and in the anticipated response, buries away the answer without the need for words. Magnus can feel the anticipation seeping through them like a running vessel. Though he can’t find his own words, they’re a little bit too caught up in his throat to say anything but watch this unfold. 

For a moment, the two before them fear the worst. But Lucretia cracks first, and there’s a smile creeping warmly to her face, so faint then bright and heavy, and they don’t need to say much, her face already says it enough. 

Another beautiful thing he’s comes to love about this tight little circle of family--is how well enough they know each other, that reading words through actions is enough of a learned aspect of theirs lives they’ve used to communicate in ways they could only achieve through each other. 

It’s enough, and Barry and Lup embrace. The crowd erupts, it’s a special kinda nice that sparks a wild fire of flutters in Magnus’s chest when the crowd interlocks with them and they’re encircled in a wave of cheers, and cries, and rays of laughter as far as the fields and mountains and cities can hear. And in the rush of it all, he feels someone smaller brush up against his leg, turning to look down, he spies Angus. All uncertainty and excitement pulsating out of him like waves and he asks, “ Did we do it? Is it over?” 

And Magnus does nothing but smile, he’s got the kid hoisted up over on the edge of his shoulder, a tight squeeze to his arm incites a giggle and a smile. 

“Let em’ know kid.” 

And it’s this warm applause that ruptures over the earth, it’s this beat of warm embraces, and careless smiles, and happy dances, and louder voices all singing a celebratory roar as the entire world lets out the collective breath it’s been holding. A cacophony of strained laughter that state words like we survived, we survived, they try to kill us but we did it and we won and we’re alive, and he doesn't know why that piece of sentiment in it is so damn familiar but it just is, and he doesn’t try to argue with it. 

And true happiness, true victory is this: true happiness lies in the way they haven’t stopped hugging each other like they’re afraid to let go, afraid that if they do, they’ll waste away and disappear into the sky like the blacken beasts that once marred their broken earth. How they haven’t stopped laughing and crying and he swears he’s never seen that many tears come out of anybody before, much less out of the people he’s come to love and adore and cherish so much. And true happiness is this: it’s this part in his brain that registers Taako’s unrelenting rocking motion in the way he holds Kravitz when they meet and see each other again, the way they press into each other and spray affections softly against their cheeks and beneath their brows. All butterfly kisses along each other’s jawlines,connecting their heads together like doting swans. 

Is registering Merle’s odious laughter as his kids come rushing in from the side, all louder hands and louder voices, and it’s hunched shoulders and shaky hands collecting around the father they’ve come to consider as their hero, and the younger more rowdier one’s fingers clenching and unclenching unconsciously as they grip a hold onto his father’s shirt. 

Is registering the familiar faces of the people he’s met throughout the pages of his life move about the waves of the crowd to pull their loved ones into each other. Watches as Hurley and Sloane share a moment in each other’s arms, watches Killian pick up and swing around an ecstatic and howling Carey, who screams and sobs and can’t stop pumping her fist in the air. Is registering the tighter more calmer caress of Lup who holds Angus, biting his lip hard and looking like a skip and a beat away from tears. And it’s this endearing feeling and that gesture of emotion and it’s this and it’s that…. 

That’s what true happiness is, that’s what victory feels like. 

And it’s this: it’s Lucretia crying big tears and looking like she’s never known what true contentment was until now, and it’s her looking on into the sea of people to stare and meet eyes with Magnus as he stands there in the midst of the chaos, smiling. And he can feel something pulling and pushing him forward, feels his legs walk towards her as she waits and shifts and shakes with a fever of something vibrantly unshared and glorious, it makes him speed up, nearly running. His arms outstretched. 

She allows it, her arms push out to catch him, and he can hear the way she sputters and lets out the repressed sobs she’s been meaning to get out. He wonders just how long she’s been holding that in, just how many fucking long years had she waited to get that out of her system. 

“ You did it Cretia..” he finally whispers, enough to be heard and he pretends the wretched pained noise that comes out her mouth is because he’s holding her a little too tight. “You fucking did it..” 

“ No.”she says, laughing a bit, the mistake of it forms like a blubber of sadness, but he knows that’s not it. And he start to loosen up when she begins to squirm against his chest, pulling backwards to look him in the eyes. Her smile a fractured piece against the tear stained cracks of her cheeks. “ We did it.” 

And right. Right. 

This is all because of them. They did this. 

He forgets how easy it is to slip back into that one- person- micronism that is him and his “ me against the world” paradigm. Forgets that it’s not just one person anymore. It’s not just him. Or just her... Right. Right. 

“ You’re right.” He says, finally putting that thought away. “ We did..” 

* * *

In the year that passes, he finally does what he never thought he’d ever get the chance to have. 

He settles down, in the wreckage that was Raven’s Roost. They’ve rebuilt it to be better, much more manageable with stronger tools and even stronger walls. And Magnus spent the better half of his time there helping that project take form. It was a long hard process. The construction of it would take more than a good few months delivering supplies and the people would work tirelessly trying to rebuild that once quiet little place they’ve all come to love and drift their lives into. 

He knows exactly where to go first, a trip across town saves him the trouble of picking out a place to really put his heart down on, to really settle his soul somewhere that won’t be too painful or too strenuous on his older muscles. As he works with the town to collaborate that safe place of rustic hospitality that makes what made Raven’s Roost what it was before it was leveled by a tyrant. 

So he takes time with it, because it always takes forever for these kind of things to get the change and modifications it needs to thrive. Especially with such few people living here now, some older than he knew. Renovation is a few day-long hours of tinkering tools and heavy buzzing drills that light up his ears and inspire a thought for change. 

The change blossoms a thriving spark, as the neighborhood is built up about the same as it was years ago, but better this time. Its houses tightly knit together, intricately laid out in lanes that staged between the streets and its shops. 

It’s like being able to stare into the face of familiarity. Old memories paint pictures of buildings he used to know by name, places he used to roam about, and the stories of people he knew behind closed doors. It’s the weird but endearing sort of notch of nostalgia he could only get from being back here, a place he hasn’t been in since the day it was destroyed. The cracks in the streets that he used to remember from the destruction have been paved and washed away in the tidal wave of a cleaner more friendlier environment. 

He remembers being on this very street, near the market place because it was where Steven would get everything he needed, it was easy living in a home that acted as a shop for years and only having to walk just a few feet away for essentials everyday without the use of transportation or by walking too long on foot. He really did choose the right place for this. It was nice then, and still is even if the hole in his heart hollowed out as he walked the space of that old shop and stood on the rumble of its existence. 

He remembers all the good things that lied in it, all the good things he and Steven made and learned and shared, times like that are never going to leave him, but not admitting to missing that little piece of time is a lie he won’t allow to flitter around in his head. Standing in the midst of that heap resettles a kind of sentiment in him, waivering and listless, while he can still remember the smoke clogging up his lungs and the dust of gravel still clinging to his chest on that very same day. 

A painful sentiment, but not a forever kind of sentiment. 

He watches as the piece of time is replaced, renovated for something that’ll pedal the future of him and his life ahead. His old home, a reincarnation of something bathed in a broader light, a stacked two-floored house with a red roof and painted walls a dim yellow, far from the old vision of it, but still very much the same feeling, and when it's done, he smiles at the progress. Steven would have been proud of this. 

But seeing his once old home turn new in the face of a new year, felt surreal to him. Like he should have been here from the start, should've stayed to speed up the process earlier in life instead of chasing after something he’d never remember was important anyway. Not somewhere off fighting and saving the world but really biding his time here. 

But life has a funny way of letting you know where you’re really needed. 

The house he made, the one he still remembers, stands a few feet higher than most of the neighboring homes. Yet still small in space inside and its outer walls imite that liking to it the Hammer and Tongs used to get from its customers. It's a chance at something he never really thought he’d ever have. A chance at something that seemed knocked out of his hands and out of reach for the longest time. After the bureau had ended, it was hard to find that purpose. But he managed it. 

Then he had come home a better man, much older and wiser-- A century old lived hero, that in that year had evolved from the rambunctious strong willed fighter of his time to a more quieter man of sensible respect. And isn’t that just ironic how something so restless and wild as him had laid itself down for a life of quieter moments? 

And he thinks of Julia, and what she’d say about this. He can already visualize the reunion of it--she’s standing by him, peaceful; a smile then a nudge. Her presence is like a ghosting light that hangs about him, lighthearted yet bittersweet in her physical absence. She’d probably think this was great, that this was a wonderful change, and she’d probably let her hand drift into his and say he’s done good, she’d be proud. 

It makes his stomach flip, he wished she could be here to see this. But maybe that’ll be a surprise in the near future if he ever gets to tell her that. And they asked him what he planned to do with the shop. 

He decides to open a business, much like what Merle and Taako have done, sorta as a plan sorta as a follows the crowd kinda idea. But it’s his, and it’s a good one. And when he came up with an idea to incorporate a way to have dogs be a part of the teaching of protection and strength, they loved it. They trusted it, because it’s Magnus, and what he didn’t get to have up there amongst the stars and the moon he made up for here. As a dog trainer, specialized in the training of certain hounds, he was secured in his job and even had one of his own. With a label to it--The Hammer and Tails. 

Johan was probably one of the best things he’d ever had, and when he first got him it was a ring of trust that blossomed into a respect for one another and an enjoyment of each other’s company. He doesn’t think there ever was a time the dog ever left his side, eager, intelligent, and like Magnus in so many ways, it wasn’t long before he grew more attached. And when the months drew by and the world grew up in its aftermath, its scars healing and flourishing like budding flowers, his shop continued. And for the first time in years, for all of them, they finally know what home truly feels like again. 

And it’s funny, because at some point in his long overdue life, in the lives they’ve carried around for a century, he’d never envisioned this. He’d never think that he’d make it this far, that he’d make it past his glory days of adventuring to wild and mysterious places, chasing something that would fulfill his longing desire to find something that would build him into that character- that ideal vision of himself to crawl in and wrap himself around like a secure blanket. It’s funny because he was always looking for a cause worth dying for, a heroic death at the hand of battle. He was always wanting something better than just the same old things you’d normally get in a normal life and that in his mind was just not enough. 

He needed something better than that, he wanted more to it, like most heroes, they pledge dying for causes they think are more important than them--to protect others and ensnare a circle of things or people into this protective bubble he keeps at arm's length is what motivates him, what did motivate him for a time. Until he came to realize that he did have something else that was better. 

His relationship with Taako and Merle shaped it. They crawled in and wormed their way into his heart and he stops thinking about the what ifs and whether a blaze of glory way of life was really worth it anymore. They became that one thing he was looking for, but the thing was he didn’t realize it until much later when he’s thinking of their absence from his life working around in his shop after a long day. 

And he wanted to live, and he wanted to survive for them, and it’s funny. It’s funny it really is, that this eccentric bunch of people can make this gnawing aching pain in his chest fly away and make him change his ways of life all in just the quirk of a smile and words that melt like butter in his hands. 

It’s funny is what it is--is the point, Look if all he’s got is the kid and himself, and the dog and them, then he’s more than okay with that. 

Three days after Angus leaves for school, Magnus is glad that he’s stuck with him alot of the time he’s over. And when that day comes, he’s already missing Angus. Even if the kid’s more of a lil shit now, he’s nice to have around. Despite what he has with Johan and because he’d never hear the end of it if he were to admit that out loud. 

It’s not lonely exactly, just quieter than he’s been used to. And considering the fact that, even with calls being made to friends between days and local visits put aside, he’s well aware of how alone he’s been while living here in the past few months. It’s sort of a startling hard thing to miss. And he misses them dearly. Angus especially. 

Johan helped suspend the homesickness, and he thought that if they all worked separately to give each other space and go out into the world making a living and rebuilding over the scars for a better much more brighter future, that he’d be a little more relieved to be back in this placid small town he’s only known in a hazy memory. Give or take, in three weeks or so, he’s already in love with the quiet companionship he has with his dog. 

But it’s not enough, the idea of not being able to see them-his family for a while makes his stomach twist--and in mind he’s willing to admit that this sense of pseudo isolation he enforces sometimes might be the cause of that-might be exactly what it is-- but if he’s being honest, it’s just that he’s homesick for people. 

He had thought he could be strong enough to part. That really, he hadn’t changed at all in the past couple of months that drew by in terms of relationships and spending time with others , saved for his one with Lucretia. Which was unfortunately still strained with mourning the years he never had to miss her. 

It’s only until the next couple of days after that follow the kid’s departure for school and other more innovative things, that Magnus has come to realize how much he’s come to depend on all of them. Their presence, their words, their laughter, the things his mind only registers as true and honest happiness. And it’s not about going back to how things used to be, no he doesn’t want that for them. It’s something entirely new. 

It’s mostly just him, the shop and his dog anyways. Angus is there--sometimes, but he’s not really involved heavily in Magnus’s life all that much. There’s a lot of things the kid could be doing, but he’s not gonna rob the kid of an opportunity that’s better for himself than this, and Angus is too bright a child to keep all that information and intellect locked away in his brain and not share it with the world like he should be doing. And the others aren’t around either, but like Angus, he knows they’re busy dealing with things too. 

Even as he knows this, it doesn’t stop the dull ache he gets in knowing there’s something missing here; mixed melancholic appreciation for the time that came by in polaroid record. 

It wasn’t until the day after Carey and Killian’s wedding, that he started being there again. That he started visiting more, and seeing them again. That they started to slowly but gradually become that constant magical fixture of his life again, just as they were before, and it’s nice, it’s great, he wishes it could stay that way forever but--- 

It’s still not as easy as lifting his hand to shake with the friends he’s made and watching them go and disperse back out into the lives they’ve set up and flourished in. Still not the same as when he’s hugged them over a million times and shared a laugh or two on the steps of the temple by the sea. And he remembers this vague part of happiness fluttering and irenic about the way they spoke about their lives and what they plan on doing after, and the way his mouth twitched this immeasurable way that meant--good and I’m so glad things are okay for you. 

But the one thing he never gained out of all of that-- was with Lucretia. 

It dawned on him, with slow steadiness of the sun drifting over the weight of a lake when there was a party at Killian’s newly renovated home, that Lucretia for as long as he had seen her there, didn’t stick around. He had watched her from a distance, talking with Killian and taking drinks and mostly nodding off into the sea of people who had come to celebrate a grand day of matrimony. 

He had been mostly walking around for the better part of it. Sometimes bumping into Merle or Taako as they commune with the other party goers. The corner of his eye catches the faint blue dress of Lucretia as she passes, slipping through the doorway, and for whatever reason it was. Whether it was the overdue reunion of their company that he missed the most and haven’t seen, or that he wanted to add that piece of quiet company into his life for just a moment, he follows behind. Being careful not to knocked into anybody’s way, swiveling through chairs and mumbling excuse mes and hellos to the passerbys that greeted him. He gets to the door and makes it, grasping onto the handle before pushing it forward and slipping out into the dark. 

The yard is fairly big, with leaves of green hanging from a tree arched over the shade of a patio. Chairs and a table sit neatly in place of each other as the view before it shares a scene of expanding vegetation hanging from the handles of pots and a garden bed of flowers to the right of them. And as he clamors out, he finds Lucretia standing by the edge of the patio, her body hunched and laid at the railing by the corner, as she faces the neighboring lake that borders a pink and white sky; the sun looming over the weight of the hill that covers behind it. 

She looks peaceful, so much so that he almost doesn’t want to bother her--almost. He steps back just a bit, tempted but his confidence resurfaces, he moves to greet her. A hand to press in, but as he comes closer he drops it, and simply clears his throat. Driving her attention to him in minutes. She seems startled at first, a hand held to her chest, but her eyes calm, and her shoulders relax as she sees who it is. 

“ Magnus..” she says, then her hand is pulled away, slipping back to the railing. “ I didn’t see you there. I didn’t.. When did you come out here?” 

“ Just now.” He half-lies, smiling and he notes the way she sways a bit, shifting her footing to step back. “Thought I’d come out here for a breather.” 

“ Oh.” Her body turns, more room was made for him and he slips himself into it, stepping beside and closing the space. Their shoulders nearly touching. 

“ So what’s up with you, Lu?” He says, just to be casual- or to let himself slip into it. He finds her making a face, studying the water. 

“ Lu? I haven’t heard that one in while.” she replies dryly. 

“ Trying something new.” He says, his smile passing, he leans his arms over the railing, looking her way. And it’s become so abundantly clear how much time and stress has reconstructed the way her face looks. The hard lines in under her eyes, and beneath every crack of her cheek glowed and shadowed under the spread of sunlight. “ Mixing things up a bit, and mostly because I wanted to see your reaction to it.” 

She laughs a little, shaking her head. In the the absence of him and the others, he hadn’t heard much from her aside from the occasion talks of her newly put together establishment that she made from the ground up and out of the rubble of the original Bureau of Balance. A nice little helping hand organization that Magnus thinks was a good move on her part. Though in light of this news, he never got to see much of her, in fact most of them didn’t. But even then they had their own lives to sort out. 

This would be the first time he had seen her in over half a year, and thinking about it is a sort of dull ache that makes him recover back to the time they had finished their battle and came back home so many months ago. And it’s surreal, Lucretia is still most notable in his memories mostly by her absence in it. She’s the reason the holes in their heads weren’t filled in for a decade. The reason they’ve lost so much but gained so much more, and yet she’s also the reason they’ve reached this part of their lives, the reason they’re still here, and still kicking it on a plane they thought wouldn’t last. 

He stares at her, watching the way her posture shrinks and expands by his shoulder side. Her back is bent, arms leaning into the wood of the railing as her fingers tap at nothing and she gazes on with a look of ponderation; hazy and distant. 

And she says, “I know that you’ve been wondering about what I’ve been doing all this time, haven’t you?” 

Magnus pauses, his brow raised at the statement. 

When he doesn’t answer her, she continues. “I’ve been busy with a lot of things. With the Bureau, and its initial purpose. Before I had gotten started with it, I made a promise to myself, that when the time came to be right and the relics were all found and dispelled of the light to be used for my spell. And when the day came for the Hunger to arrive and I’d used it to save us, save the world.. I had told myself then that when that happens, I would drop the Bureau.” 

Lucretia lets her hands to come and grasp away at her cheeks, hiding herself and leaning her head down. “ I would take it all down and be done with that part of my life. But I couldn’t.” She mutters, “ I couldn’t bring myself to put all that work I made, all that progress and steps that I took in making what you all knew and worked for just disappear. It wasn’t right and thinking about all the people I’ve brought into it.. I couldn't do that to them either.” 

Magnus watches her carefully, listening as she tells him, and his lips purse together, processing her words. He gives her a non-committal hum. 

“ Well that’s… good right?” 

“ Yeah it is, but it’s also difficult.” she says, “ I didn’t want to get rid of what I made so I turned it into something that could still prosper and bring this world purpose. It took a lot of months, but I did it.” 

She turns to him finally, the light of the sun glowing over the side of her face. And it still trips Magnus up how amazing lambent her eyes are bathed in the sun’s radiant glow. Dark yet boundless. 

“ What’s it called?” He asks, letting that piece of information melt with the rest of his thoughts. 

She stirs, wordlessly looking away. “ The Bureau of Benevolence. A humanitarian organization that would help get towns that were hurt in the aftermath of the Hunger back on their feet. I felt that, given the sum of what we did, and for further reparations for what almost became of us, that we could give back to the communities that were devastated. Help them rebuild themselves to what to they used to be.” 

He processes that name in his head multiple times- swishes it around in his brain-- and he nods. It’s a nice name, fits well with what she’s doing, and has a nice ring to it. “ Bureau of Benevolence… I like it, it’s fitting.” 

She smiles at that. “ I figured someone like you would say that. It was going to be something else but we decided to keep it, didn’t even need to change the logo either.” A laugh, then a moment passes. “ What about you Magnus?” 

He turns to face her, brows raised. “ What about me?” 

“ You know like, what did you do.” She reiterates, “ How was your year spent?” 

His head lifts, the gears in his head clicking and turning and he prepares what he already knows in his head, the first thing that pops up upon first thought. “ I went back to Raven’s Roost.” 

The visible shift of Lucretia’s posture stiffins from the corner of his eye, for just a second, then it’s gone. The smile on her face drifting off slightly. “ Did you?” 

“ Yeah and I...helped out with the people there. There’s not a lot of local members of the neighborhood there anymore since most of them left, but there’s enough that reconstruction’s happening and at a faster rate now with more help from the outside..” 

He pauses some, looking on to the clouds chasing the melting sun into the lake, his mouth dry and he licks his lips. Dwelling into the next part is always hard because it’s a revisit into something he’d normally not say much about. Not because he can’t, per say, it’s just about a part he doesn't like diving into. 

“ I went back and after helping the people settle down, I uh.. went to visit the old shop and it was still a dump even after all those years that had passed. Still destroyed, you’d think they would do something with it, and not just leave it that way but… I guess they couldn’t. So I took over, and I built atop it a home and a school. It’s uh.. It’s a dog training school where I train dogs to protect and serve those that need them. Like services dogs and any of that kind.” 

There’s a silence that follow his words, still as the waters that swim and bath in the dimming light of the sun that sinks below the depths of the lake, they can see the stars nows, see all the millions and billions of lights that twinkle and appear between the clouds. He thinks about all the planets they’ve saved, thinks about that one place they visited somewhere on a wispy train. Thinks about the people, all those people going back to where they came from. A nice sentimental thought. 

“And that’s about it.” 

He feels something stir beside him, a nudge from an elbow, and finally Magnus looks over. Expecting something, see what she had to say about it. Everybody else was pretty on board with it, thought it was the perfect job he could’ve picked for himself knowing him. But he never heard what she had to say about it, never got to at least. 

“That sounds like…” Lucretia mutes, clicking her tongue. “ Something I’d expect from you. Something you’d do for yourself. It’s nice, and a good business to open up.” 

He beams at that. “ Good to know you agree.” 

“ I gotta ask though.” She says almost immediate, her eyes pulled in his direction. “ This isn’t like in retaliation of my “No dogs on the moon” thing is it? Like it’s not a thing you’re trying to get back at me at right?” And there’s that knowing smile, awkward but easy going and teasing enough that Magnus doesn’t even need to read her face for the joke--doesn’t even need to look, he just laughs, a boisterous loud chuckle that sputters out of him like a rippling wave. Pulling away from the railing to catch himself, and Lucretia just beams, her shoulders shaking with amusement. 

“ Absol-fucking-lutely!” He bellows, undoing that last bit of funny bone out of him. The railing creaks with his weight pressed against it. Wasn’t expecting that--nope no fucking way did he expect it. But it’s good! It’s a good thing because it means his best friend is back, and she’s doing okay and not falling under the plight of her own problems anymore. He forgets how oftenly funny she is, this part always so surreal yet vaguely familiar. “ I definitely wasn’t before, but now that you’ve mentioned that, I am now. Take that!” 

She giggles, her head tilting and she’s wiping away something beneath the edge of her glasses when she calms down. Shifting backwards from the banister, she goes to stand a little ways closer to him now. And they spend the next few moments coming off from their animated high to resettle back into that warming silence they’ve had before watching the sky fade to blue and black, the stars distorted images over the rippling waters of the lake, and Magnus can hear the party inside starting to simmer down now. It must be getting a little late, but he doesn’t plan on leaving too early. 

He wants to stay and chat, and see his friends--his family for as long as he can, revel in that contact just a little bit more. He knows they have other times to see each other, it won’t always be all work and no play for the lot of them but it’s moments like this that he really appreciates the time they do have making newer memories like this. Where he can see everyone all at once, see the people he’s made a life with, with the expanded addition of his family. Enjoy that time and make something out of it they can take home and remember and cherish the ways they really couldn’t do without the messed up--saving the world and running for their natural lives kinda attitude they’ve had about them for too long. 

He also just, in the gaping hole of their absence after such a long period of healing and rebuilding what they all had, missed his family. He feels like after establishing a life for himself out here, something that’s healthy and less danger prone, he could finally relax and let his guard down with the rest of them. And he thinks what he has with them has gotten better now because of it. Good--is the point, at least with the ones he’s talked to. 

And just, what a fucking lucky thing this is for him. To have nearly nothing for years and then have this gift of happiness rekindle into the forms of all these weary wounded souls is truly something he will never get over. 

“It feels so surreal..”Lucretia murmurs, it’s low and floaty enough, that it’s almost like she isn’t even saying anything at all, and Magnus blinks out of his thoughts. 

"What is?” 

“This.” She gestures with one hand over the rail, her fingers dancing with a wave as she means-- the whole of the world around them.“This place. It feels so surreal to have been here for this long and finally not have to worry about whether it will be taken away from us ever again. It’s weird but so nice..” and she laughs a little at the end, tilting her head and body to rest against the wall next to her. 

And he watches her fingers--reads the gesture hidden between them and understands what she’s saying. “Yeah it does. It feels like it’s been forever.” 

“ It’s more than that.” Lucretia says, her eyes dimly lit by the night’s invading sky. “ It feels like we shouldn’t even be here. Like we should be light years away and still trying to figure out how to stop it.” Her hands comes up at the forearm, tightly held in place as she thinks about it, and Magnus for what he can bring himself to do, watches the way her face contorts into subtle uncomfortableness. “ Could you even-- Could you even imagine…” 

The all too easy answer would be no, he couldn’t, but the obvious answer which he knows without a doubt in his mind, a good one hundred percent of, is that he never considered it as an option. It just wasn’t apart of the list of things he thought of when they made it here, or ever when they did this. He’ll admit though, in the beginning that he had some doubts about the certainty of their first plan, but that quickly dissipated into an assurance that their future was paved brightly in victory much later on. It’s not that he had no worries about it, it just that he had a feeling they’d make it this time. 

Oddly as it sounds, any point of changing that would be wrong to him in some way. 

They sit in silence, the warm rush of spring kicking up as the trees blew in, soon it’ll be barreling into the heat of summer, something he looks forward to and as the scene resets, Lucretia looks down and purses her lips together in thought, lines creating more distinct the more her face wrinkles together. 

“ You know, even though I’ve said it enough, I can’t help but still feel bad about what all happened here.” She says, after just a couple more moments of silence had blanketed over. The tone in her voice has lost its comedic vigor, dipping down into a ascetic mood. “ I know that you forgive me, and I appreciate your honesty in telling me so, it’s just that I still think about what happened, and what could have happened, and what all has transpired into this consequence because of my actions and..” She takes a deep a breath. “ I still feel like I haven’t said it enough.” 

Magnus scrunches his face, forehead coming together in wrinkles, still watching her from his side of the porch. “What do you mean?” 

“ I went through a lot of things in the time that passed after what I did to you all, and in the year that past by it was painful, awful, and for lack of a better word.. stressful. You all have to know, I never intended for any of you to be away for as long as things had lasted but trying to recover everything, trying to undo our mistakes and make things right was almost impossible by myself. 

When I started, I goofed I’ll admit it, and it wasn’t great. But I couldn’t just give up. Giving up would have meant throwing my plan away and letting things keeps going as they were, letting the world continue its destruction. Giving up would have meant me allowing myself to die in Wonderland and just leave behind the people who needed me most, people who didn’t even know me at the time. 

Giving up would have meant wasting away everything that I had to salvage, everything that I had to make, to build, and recruit and bring together in order for things to fall into place and I.. I just couldn’t do that! I couldn’t just let myself down like that, let you all down… You didn’t deserve what had happened to you initially, it was an act out of pure concern for you all but… you all especially didn’t deserve it if I failed.” 

And as she speaks, her voice catches fire, cracking at the seams, and Magnus stands stock still in the motion of it, staring up at Lucretia. 

“Giving up would have risked so much.. But giving up would meant giving up on the people I missed and loved so much.” 

“ And in that time, I never allowed myself to feel that-that loneliness that came in the absence of your presence. I was worried over time, that in doing this you all would hate my fucking guts for it,rightfully so and even I prepared for that. To prepare for a time where I’d understand your mistrust of me, and even though it hurt to think about that,I still kept going. Because in the end, I was only doing what I could to save you. My family, my friends. And when that day came and the lot of you didn’t shun me but showed me forgiveness.. I didn’t know what to think. It was oddly bucolic and gracious and it made me think that maybe I was wrong for thinking I could do this all by myself.” 

And there’s a weird noise akin to a laugh in her watery smile, a tone in her voice that makes his stomach sink to the bottom of his shoes. “Guess that was silly of me to think like that wasn’t it?” 

“ Lucretia..” He croaks, a burning notch feels the back of his throat, his hands clutching the railing. And she looks startled at first, then pensive. 

“ For everything that I went through, everything that I did for the last couple of years alone by myself up there. Trying to save the world from itself, trying to give you all some piece of happiness before returning….and after all those countless nights staying up worrying and withering away in doubts… you all still forgave me. Well not all of you but, the majority, and hearing you-- the lot of you--say that felt so goddamn surreal I was too taken back by it. But it felt so damn reassuring to me that I.. I almost couldn’t process it. And for what it was, it also made me realize.. how much I had truly missed you. Missed all of you in that time….” 

He watches this woman dissolve into a wreck before him, by the the edge of the patio porch, trying to hang still but slipping into a wobbly state of intense grief as her hands gripped the railing too tight and too desperate for comfort, and it’s awful. He doesn’t know what to do. And for a minute, Magnus is frozen like a deer in the headlights because he was still and unsure of what to say next, what to do with his himself. Completely freaking out, not because he didn’t know what was going on, but because he knew exactly what this felt like and didn’t know how to stop it. 

And the parts of his brain, the even louder parts that says sadness is this, keeps registering hunched shoulders, and a watery look into the distance, while the fingers by the rail makes this unconscious repeated motion of grasping and unclamping themselves from the felt of wood over and over until their their knuckles turn white. That real sadness is this: this woman having spent a good decade and a half alone thinking that what she was doing was for the greater good of them. Having to martyred herself into this mentality that she had to do this alone. Having to be the one to sacrifice the ones she loved for something she could have easily done with help from them, but out of fear of mistrust didn't. Sadness is knowing what it’s like to lose something and trying to rebuild from that, and knowing the hardships of that were and how unfixable things at the time felt in between the process of healing.. That’s what sadness is. 

And it’s this and this and it’s her and it’s him, and it’s this cycle of reentering that space of time when he can remembers losing that one piece of himself, losing Julia and reentering that space of walking through this wreckage of himself where he didn’t know what to do, a wormhole fixed like a knife in his chest, slow and gradual; completely festering up and pulling in the very world he only knew and shattering it as he fell into a spiral of immense depression. 

And it’s this, It’s Lucretia, his one first real friend on that ship, standing off by the side, looking like a skip and a beat away from tears.It’s this sad and miserable rout of I’ve missed you and I did this for you and I don’t know why you did what you did but I can’t be more thankful for you enough, and it translates to I get it and I understand why now and how on earth did we get to be here like this and what a fucking bunch of remarkable people we are. 

It translates to there’s no reason to be sorry anymore, we’re well past that point now, it’s okay, we love you, we care about you, and it’s you’re the strongest person I have ever known, I wish I had more of you earlier in my life. 

And suddenly, he’s stepping forward, he’s closing the space, and he’s embracing her with a tight and easy hug that’s reverberating those unconscious singular thoughts out into an action he knows works best. And he feels her flinch, feels her stop, and then feels the way her shoulders slouch and give in, and the weight of her body drops and melts into the embrace, her hands shakily catching the sides of his chest, sinking. 

“ Up there in our last battle, I was willing to make a sacrifice for you all, as a way of making it up to you.. I thought I could but..” Her voice is hoarse, muffled slightly by the cloth of Magnus’s shirt. A pause in between the silence fills it up, and he breaths it in. 

“ You know damn well none of us would have been able to forgive ourselves if we left you up there.” He finally says, and gods if her voice was a strangled and tighter husk of a mess in itself, his was the raw imitation of it, shaky and agonised. “ Especially not me.” 

There’s a wake of noise, wrenching in like a sob against the side of his chest, then a sniffle. Something masquerading as a sound of barefaced laughter. “ I guess it’s just martyr thinking.. Maybe I deserve it if you don’t, I just… I just couldn’t think about losing you before reaching the end. Getting you all out of there would have been enough if--..” 

“ No.” Magnus says, half desperate, moving his head to look at her. 

Words are crooked, in his throat but hard to come out and they’re stuck, fixed between the ends of his teeth and lips and-- he’s never been good with this, good at making words and saying things in a way that makes the most sense. Words weren’t always his speciality, actions were. 

Words were for the wiser like Merle, or for the charmer like Taako who was good at articulating things better when he meant it and understood things, but him? Not so much the same, and he’s acutely aware of his own failings in communication--sometimes, but he tries anyway, he can’t just stand here and take this anymore. Let her wallow in this pit alone. 

To Magnus, Lucretia is a lot of things. She’s a ball of fire that’s the literal spark of their lives even before she was folding herself into a much bigger role for herself. The one who went through so much change in the last couple of years, before they even had the right to remember her, and even before that in the year of the judges. The one with the logical thinking that’s kept them out of so much trouble in the past years he can remember. The one who dedicated every second of her time to finding a way to end the Hunger’s reign in a way that inevitably did do what it was made for, and it’s so funny, it’s so surreal. 

Lucretia is a light that’s kept its shine, even in a world of darkness, she prevailed and took action into her own hands even when she didn’t need to. She’s a relentless current of courage that’s carried the mistake of her team’s destruction and their burdens on her shoulders for so long, it was a pained and prolonging sacrifice to herself for cutting them out, but even in the end, even in the loneliness of it, she still managed to pull herself together and still prosper in a way that made her ten times stronger than she was before. 

She’s a hero, so selfless, so kind, and valorous in her own ways, growing up and molding herself into this new identity that it was hard for Magnus not to look at her and see a part of himself. 

And it’s so hard to believe that is what had become of that same bookish nerdy girl from a hundred years ago, that this is who she is now. That she, who before this was so fragile and quiet, had become this cautious but steady world-shakingly powerful being beside him now and it’s scary to think how much could’ve changed without her influence, without her being there and doing what she did. 

It’s hard to believe that this is the same woman who saved his and their lives so many times before. This brilliant and talented person who nearly sacrificed everything that she had so that her friends and the people who’ve suffered from their actions could be spared and given something they never thought they’ve ever get the chance to have back--- a home and a chance to be at peace and happy. 

Lucretia is so many good things all wrapped up into one bright mind, and she doesn’t even realize what her impact in their lives has on them. 

It dawns on Magnus, as they cradled for a moment, and he stops to think on it, He doesn’t think he’s ever told her how much she means to him. How much influence she’s put away inside of his heart. How much she really matters to them, and to him, and if he’s honest, he truly adores her. 

“ Lu, if you had any idea, how much we all love you, you’d know that there’s not a reason in the world we wouldn’t forgive you for this.” He says, just as a whisper, but enough that it can be heard. 

“Everything that you did--I get it, you were just trying to fix something that was fucking us up and you did. It’s fine, I get it. I can’t speak for them, but given how open and loving and inviting everybody has been towards you thus far, everybody that came here and talk to you and spent time with you, do you really think you should be doubting that?” 

Lucretia leans away, feeling her arm nag at her as she does. Her body stiff. 

“If we really didn’t care about you, we wouldn’t have let you back in the first place. We wouldn’t have shared a moment with you like we did back on the Starblaster back then. You..” He stops, picking at his words. “ You have no idea how good of a person we all think you are and everything that you did… was amazing, you were amazing.. And it’s because of you that we’re still here, still alive here with everybody else. It was you, all you.. And we--.” 

And he wants to say-- You have no idea how much we love you. And he wants to say--You have no idea how much we appreciate what you’ve done, what you did. And he wants to say--there’s no need to apologize, we're well past that stage, Lucretia it’s okay. We love you we love you we love you.. 

But he doesn’t, the words are tangled and sparse. Too thick for his mouth to open up and tell the truth of the matter. She deserves to hear it, she deserves everything. And yet, as he holds her there by the side of the railing, he’s pausing to continue it, thinking. He’s so used to not saying much, and speaking when he knew the right words, really it’s a thoughtless routine. But when he actually needs it --in a moment like this, he’s a literal fucking clam, unsure and tight lipped. 

It is no small wonder that his closest friends over the years have been okay with that part of him. Those who were comfortable with it. Talking like this can be easy, but it’s never been a problem for people like Taako, or people like Merle, or Barry when he lapses into this. The quietness that steals the words out of him for a moment. So what he usually lack in words, his actions for situations like this made up for it and nobody made a fuss. But right here, he needs to say something, and he wants to. And he looks up to the ceiling and brings Lucretia’s head to his chest, and when they finally come, it's steadfast and easy. 

“We’re proud of you Cretia, you know that right?” He mutters and he pretends the pained noise that wrenches out of her mouth is because she’s leaning too hard on her bad arm, and he presses his head downwards, closer to connect with hers, feeling her body shake before him. “We’re so goddamn proud of you..” 

She’s misty, a field of tears paints her cheeks like a withering river, the cracks around her eyes bleed with a curved tired smile as she lets herself come undone by the side of her friend. She looks so vulnerable in his eyes, he almost never wants to let go of her. 

They’d sat there with their shoulders touching and soft words, sharing a moment where the low of it had finally ended and the tears stopped. Even with Lucretia still dewy and shuddering by his side, he felt like he might’ve broke at some point in that whole spiel himself. To which he wouldn’t be surprised by, because he’s Magnus. When has he ever not cried in these situations. 

And they don’t say anything for a long time. Their bodies drained and held back to the chairs on the porch. The party inside still sounds like it’s still kicking, despite the lateness of the hour, and there’s probably a lot of people heading home now, some he won’t be able to shake hands with and send his goodbyes. 

Maybe even Taako and Kravitz, if they haven’t left, but he’s sitting here, and he’s fine spending more time with Lucretia. Given what had just transpired between the two of them, coming out here to see her was more than what he had expected. But he won’t complain, it’s Lucretia, and as Magnus glances over at her, the night sky illuminating their lone bench, it strikes at him, a blow that shatters his own disbelief at how strong she is, and how proud he is of her. 

And gods just what fucking pair they are. (He cares so much about her, he loves her, he’s an absolute wreck of an human being, he loves her so much..) 

And she, after wiping away the tears underneath her glasses, finally looks up, and eyes the stars. 

“ I… Thank you Magnus, for this. This was a nice talk.” She finally says, then looks onto the vines of the gardens and its flowers. Searching the space of the lake, her hands come together in her lap.“I needed this I.. I definitely needed this, and I cannot thank you enough for it. You didn’t have to..” 

“I did.” He corrects, turning to look at her. “ I absolutely did need to, you don’t have to be out here thinking like that, or keeping that all to yourself all the time. You gotta know that those lonely days of your life are over.” 

And she pauses, and she smiles, and when she does it doesn’t take him much to recognize it at all. It’s the same soft easygoing smile he’s come to love for over a century. The one they’ve all come to love, like back when they’ve spent their days in the cave of the voidfish, and back on the beach that one good year. She looks so happy, and gods if only she had stayed that way throughout that long journey. 

“Yes well, those days are definitely behind me. I won't deny that.” 

“Good. I'm glad we acknowledge that.” 

And she turns back to him, still beaming. “You’re a good man Magnus, you know that. Right?” 

Magnus doesn’t try to hide it, the curve of his lips twisting upward in imitation to her own more beautiful one. “Yeah well, so I’ve been told.” 

She laughs, her hands coming to collect at her face, and he returns a smile, nudging her arm playfully with an elbow, and it’s a good thing again. They’re over their traumas, their past lives and Magnus feels so much better hearing it from her again, missing it must have put a fissure in his heart,because he swears something is filling it up now, as they laugh and joke around for a moment. Two best friends together again, and it’s so goddamn nice to have it all back without the unneccesary memory-cut theatrics. 

After a moment, Lucretia goes quiet, thinking. 

“ You know, I don’t think I could ever ask for better friends. You and the team are some of the best things to have ever come into my life, and I don’t ever regret not having friends like you. Ever..” 

Magnus beams. “ I know, You’re the best thing to come into our lives too.” 

And he pauses, and turns back to her, a comical gaze in his eyes as he leans closer before whispering. 

“ But uh, ahem, I’m the best one though right? Like that’s not even a contest is it? Number one best friend?” He wiggles his brows. “ Numero uno?” 

And the laugh that comes out of her mouth is a sound he never thought was possible, but she does it, and her face heats up as she’s nearly tilting over the side of Magnus, catching herself, but still bursting with giggles. 

“ Oh gods Mags..” 

“ I’m right though. Right?” 

“ Magnus..” 

“I’m not hearing a no anywhere.” 

She gets back up and scrubs at her eyes. The smile still a sight to behold as she eyes him. “ Of course you are Magnus, I wouldn’t deny you that.” 

“ You mean that?” He says 

“ Absol-fucking-lutely.” 

* * *

And it's like this, they spend more time together, and he gets her to come back in to be with the others. All big smiles and laughter and good things all put together into something they thought would never happened to the sort of people they are. 

Because the sort of people they are, are jumbled and twisted at the seams, Lost and forlorn with immeasurable burdens they had no say in not keeping. Don't believe in the sort of happy endings you'd only hear happenning with the ones that done good all their life. Despite the tellings of a story that shines light of who they really are and what they did, and for all of what they’ve been through, and if any of them were asked whether or not they deserved a righteous ending,they’d turn around and say the former, because what person wouldn’t. 

But it’s like faith has changed for them, and frankly if he has anything to say about it, it’s that the sort of people they are, do deserve the happy endings they get. Especially the ones he watched grow and impact the world the same ways they did when they first arrived.Taking the scars of their past and letting them show. And it’s the sort of nice realization you’d only get after everything that’s happened so far. And he wouldn’t change it any other way. 

Not for his friends, not for his family. 

Because this circle of good things is everything he could ever ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> I just love Lucretia and Magnus, and just wanted to dwell more into both characters and their good relationship.


End file.
